Sunday, July 31, 2011

Doctor fun time

I finally went to the doctor for my back. I couldn't stand the pain anymore and I have a high tolerance for pain. Basically he said I have a lumbar sprain. I was not happy to hear that, but at least I know what is wrong and how to make it better. So now I have pain killers and muscle relaxers. I have spent all weekend laying on the floor sleeping. 

I have a high tolerance for pain, but a low tolerance for pain meds. I usually never take them. I refuse them in most cases, but this time there was nothing I could do. On the up side of that, I can take the lowest dose of pain meds and muscle relaxers and feel no pain! On the down side, I feel like a zombie and when I get up I feel like I'm moving through jello. 

The nurse at the doctor's office thought I was the wrong person. She was entering my weight into the system and the system alerted her that she might have the wrong person with her because the weight was so much less that the last time I was there. 

She didn't tell me what was going on, but she said she needed to ask me some questions. She asked for my name, address, birthday, who to contact in case of emergency, and so on and so forth. She said, "Well, I guess it's you....have you lost a lot of weight?"

I told her yes and she started to explain why she was asking me all the questions. She then said the last time I was there was March of 2010. I laughed and told her that it is a much different weight since then. 

Then she kept saying, "Yea, that's a lot, a lot of weight," over and over again. If I hadn't been in so much pain at the time I would have probably enjoyed our conversation a little more, but I was struggling to even sit in the chair while she was talking to me and taking my blood pressure. 

Also, I know I usually check my weight and inches lost at the end of the month, but I haven't been to the gym in the past week. My intentions are to go to the gym tomorrow and walk on the treadmill. I should be able to check my weight and have Janelle take my measurements. I guess I'll just switch my time to the beginning of the month. 

Friday, July 29, 2011

And it's time for that new meal plan!

Today I'm starting my new meal plan. It's a little more than just watching calories. I've moved up a step on the meal plan scale!

Basically, I have to get a certain number of calories from protein for each meal. It looks easy on paper and it seemed easy when Zach was explaining it; then I got home last night and I was trying to put some things together for today and I nearly lost my mind. 

I called Janelle and she didn't answer. I knew she was home because I had literally just left her I called right back. Thank God she answered. 

I just started rambling about grams of protein and calories and I knew I wasn't doing it right because 20 grams of protein is only 80 calories, but the food I was looking at said it had 20 grams of protein and it was 340 calories and I still needed how many more.....and I just kept rambling. I kept saying, "This is impossible. I have no clue what I'm doing. I kept trying to ask Zach about this, but I couldn't find the right words. I'm going to screw this all up. I'm not ready for the next step!!!!"

Janelle seriously had to talk to me like I was one of her 4th grade students. She had to walk me through the process like 5 times before I finally calmed down enough to understand what was going on. She kept saying, "Ok, calm down. Tell me how many calories it is.....ok, now you have to this.....get a calculator.....calm, no, this is why we're doing this'll get the hang of a few days you'll have it all under control....just bring your stuff to the gym we'll plan some, no, calm down, I'm trying to help," and it was all done in that teacher voice. Honestly, I still can't explain how to do it, but I understand what I'm supposed to do. 

So, over the phone she had to help me plan my breakfast and a snack. It was like Meal Plans for Dummies. 

Overall, my calories went down. I'm ok with that because I was feeling really full all the time. I'm glad I wasn't feeling hungry, but I was feeling too full. I've gone from 2075 down to 1943. I think I'm going to get the hang of counting the calories from protein pretty quickly. I don't really have any other choice but to get the hang of it quickly. I need something new to focus on. I've been paying attention to all the wrong things lately, so having a new meal plan will keep me focused on what's, duh! (Winning) 

On a related topic, my back is still effed up! I've done nothing all week but lay around and use the heating pad and ice. I did realize while I was laying on the floor the other day that I need to vacuum! I just seriously can't push the vacuum around right now. My back does feel better than it did a few days ago. I know it's getting better, but I'm going a little crazy since I can't lift. I had myself all focused and back on track and now I'm not able to workout. I feel like it's setting me back even more.....dang. 

Thursday, July 28, 2011

It's so weird hugging you like this...

One of my absolute best friends in the whole world (since 7th grade) was in town to visit for a few days. I see him about 3 times a year. For the past year and a half it's been very exciting when he comes to visit. Each time I'm smaller and smaller...usually 20 to 30 pounds. He is always so impressed. The last time I saw him was Valentine's Day. 

Here are a few of the things he said this time that made me so happy, made me realize how truly awesome he is, and how much I have accomplished. 

When he got to my house on Monday he kept telling me to quit talking because it was like hearing me, but seeing someone else. He kept looking at the pictures on my walls and saying, "There's Sarah...and then I look at you. I see your face, but it's like it was cut out and put on someone else's body." I just smiled. We talked about how difficult it has been to do everything I've been doing and how I've been a little off track this summer. He was nothing but supportive. 

Later that night we met up at a bar to go visit another friend. He was walking in front of me and just happened to turn around and he did a double take. Then he said, "See, I just don't even recognize you." I just smiled. 

The next day, and this was my favorite moment, but for other reasons that I'm not going into on my blog. We were standing outside and he gave me a hug...he gives the best hugs ever. Of course he had something to say. He said, "It is so weird to hug you like this." I finally said something back. I just said, "Yea, well get used to it." Then we both had a quick, much needed laugh. 

I love it when I see people that haven't seen me for months at a time. It helps me to see that I have been making progress. 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

What did you want to say Janelle?

I sometimes try to restate things that Zach and Janelle say to me. For the most part I can accurately explain to people what they (Zach and Janelle) tell me. Sometimes I screw it up. I think that at times I've not done so well to explain and people get the idea that I'm doing something that Zach and Janelle want me to do and not something that I want to do. 

99% of the people around me, my family and friends, the people that email me, people I see at the gym, and the people that read my blog are very supportive of everything that I do, but there is that tiny 1% that want to tear me down and  be negative. 

I asked Janelle to just explain her point of view in her own "guest blog". She has seriously been working on it for over a week. So the following was written by Janelle. I also think that Zach will probably write a blog or two as well. He seemed pretty pumped that Janelle was writing one. 

For those of you that don't know, Janelle is the girl I workout with. She is a personal trainer, but she's not my personal trainer. Zach is her husband. He does make my meal plans and workouts....obviously, he's a personal trainer too.  
The following is from Janelle:

There are so many things I want to say, and this “guest blog” has been edited and re-written many times.  Bottom line, I might have to guest blog a few more times before I say everything I’ve wanted to say.  Sarah is awesome… all my gym friends are.  We give each other a hard time sometimes but we all really do want each other to meet our goals and succeed.  I joke around with these girls that they actually probably know me better than any of my other girl friends just because we see each other constantly and for some reason the gym just feels like a safe place to tell each other everything.  Some girls have “frienemies”  (friends that are really your enemies who want to see you fail) and we are definitely not that.  On the surface, some people think we are mean to each other or trying to make each other feel bad or forcing each other to do things.  The truth is, we all just want the best for each other.  I’ll include my husband Zach in this too.  

We all need a push every once in a while and I think Zach is at the top of this pyramid, and underneath are me, Sarah and Ashley.  There are other girls that are in and out who are just as supportive but their schedules just don’t always match up.  Zach is really blunt and to the point about our workouts and meal plans and it’s starting to rub off on us, but I think it is making all three of us better at what we are trying to do.  There are times Sarah will say, “yeah you can definitely do more weight than that” to me.  There are times I will tell Sarah, “if you screw up your meal plan every time there is a cookout, birthday party, or wedding you will never lose weight.  If you want to maintain let me know and we can work on that” and Ashley gets the occasional, “WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING?!?” when she sneaks in a tiny 5- pound dumbbell when she should be using at least a 25.  Bottom line, we aren’t mean to each other we are helping each other get what we go to the gym for… results.  I always tell myself “you came here, so you might as well get something out of it” and I think that’s the attitude we are all starting to have and we keep each other accountable.

So that’s the first thing I wanted to throw out there.  Second… Sarah and I really are not on “diets”.  If you think about it, we all have a diet. It’s what we eat on a regular basis; however, when people say they are going on a diet, it means they are eating exactly what someone or a book told them to eat for a certain amount of time.  No one tells Sarah or I what to eat… We look at our goals which are based on a bod pod and what we are trying to do.  Sarah wants to be at a healthy weight, I want to have a certain look for the competitions I do.  We look at time frame, and we figure out calories or  grams of carbs/protein/fat that are needed.  What we eat is purely up to us, it depends how creative you are.  I am not that creative so I eat a lot of tuna :)  So I guess you could say I’m on a tuna diet but I totally do that because I’m lazy and cooking and washing dishes wears me out.  

Sarah gets a lot of comments like, “Just try it, will one day really be that big of a deal?  One more beer won’t hurt”  Truth is, it DOES hurt, it IS a big deal, and when people do that they are messing her up.  Think of how many “special events” there are to celebrate.  We celebrate everything!  If she does this once a month, it could take her an additional two weeks to  get back on track and then she will be losing weight terribly slowly and get discouraged and stressed which will usually lead to more poor choices. Once Sarah is happy with her results and is at a healthy happy composition (it’s really about composition more than weight) she will just maintain. At that point, there are a lot of options.  She will have a good grasp on what things have more or less calories and her body will be used to eating every three hours.  She can work out and then go to a wedding on the weekend and do some extra cardio the next week.  Right now though, her goals are different so her plan is different.  Plan… her plan for her life, not her diet.  Just like in life there are different stages, and this is the stage she is at right now.  The principles that she is teaching herself she will have to remember in order to maintain her weight once she gets to her goal.  That’s the difference between Sarah’s lifestyle change and a diet.  Not to mention that Sarah will always have to stay active, as we all should… not just work out and eat certain things for a certain event and then go back to doing whatever whenever.  That’s why it’s not a diet.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

This is hard for me to admit

I'm not a big fan of feelings and emotions....or should I say, I'm not a fan of sharing feelings and emotions. I'm very private with how I feel about things, things I worry about, and all that junk. I only share very personal thoughts with a few people and I've known those people for a long time...a very long time. 

Anyway, this is something that all of my friends will try to understand if I talk to them about it, and in some aspects I have talked to them, but I'm just struggling with this one issue lately; body image. 

I don't even really know how to say it, but I've been really been having issues with how I look and how other people look. I keep comparing myself to other girls that I see. I know that I shouldn't do that, but it's really difficult not to. 

I'm happy with what I'm doing, how I look, and that I'm still in the process of losing weight. I just keep comparing myself to other girls and it's driving me crazy. Half the time I know that I don't even want to look like the girls that I see, but I just think that they look better than me and I suddenly feel like I felt a year and a half ago. 

Really, I've been feeling that all the time. I feel like I did before I started all of this. I also feel like that how people are viewing me and I know that's not true. 

I'm just fighting with myself lately and I don't even really have a reason why. This feeling has just been creeping up on me lately. I know I'm being ridiculous. 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Holy back pain!

I woke up yesterday and my back was all kinds of messed up. I had and still have no clue what I did. I was miserable yesterday and today! 

It feels like I have a charlie horse in my lower back. It feels like I am tensing up my muscles and I can't relax them. 

Yesterday I had to ride in the car for an hour and half to go to my sister's house.....and then home. 

Last night I laid on the floor with the heating pad and ice all night last night. This morning when I woke up I felt no pain, then I moved....

I've been worried about not being able to work out. I went anyway this morning and just walked for almost an hour with no incline and a very slow pace. It did help a little, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on the floor all day....

I'm not very happy about this! 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Fancy meeting you here...

This morning I was at the gym trying to bust out my workout because I have such a busy day today. My workout wasn't going to so well because my lower back has been jacked up lately and I'm not too sure why. 

So, I'm standing there between sets when I see someone walking toward me on the track. We smile at each other and he says, "What's up, Sarah?"

All I could respond was, "I'm good...strange place to run into you." This guy used to be a bar tender and not just any bartender, but the bartender that used to serve me the best drinks in the world. I probably spent a good 5 years sitting at his bar. 

We both laughed at how things have changed over the last few years since he quit tending bar and I quit wasting my weekends sitting at the bar. 

He made the comment that he had seen me at the gym a few times, but I'm never alone and he doesn't just want to walk up and interrupt. He said it was strange to see me outside of the bar and during day light hours. I thought it was funny too. 

It is odd how things change and how people change. We were both pretty wild. Heck, most of the people around us were, but now, he's married, he has kids, he has a good job. It was nice to run into him because it helped me realize that you can't stay in the bar forever. 

He made a quick comment that I looked like I had lost a lot of weight. I said, "Yea, I gave up my party girl ways. I'm trying to make some changes, but don't worry, I still have a foul mouth and vulgar sense of humor!" 

It's days like these that I'm glad I run into people at the gym. Usually I have my headphones on and I don't want anyone to talk to me at all. It was nice seeing someone else who is ready to grow up and be an adult. 

Friday, July 22, 2011

What happened in your life to make you over eat?

Lately people have been wanting to know if there is anything that caused me to over eat and be overweight. 

I don't really know what to say to people when they ask. Sometimes I have to clarify what they mean. I already know though, they want there to be some traumatic experience in my life where I developed an unhealthy relationship with food.

The truth is, there is nothing. I had nothing traumatic happen to me as a child or some event that triggered me having food issues. I just had bad, bad eating habits and I was lazy. It's really as simple as that. 

I think that upsets people. They want there to be some issue that I'm working through. 

It's usually other people that are struggling with weight that ask me these questions too. I don't mind, but don't get upset with me when I tell you the truth. I think they want me to talk about how hard this has all been and that I've really had to deal with all of these issues to get to where I am. I think they want that to be the case because it will make them feel better about not dealing with their own issues. 

I'm not denying the fact that many people do have and have had some traumatic experiences that lead them to bad food habits and weight gain, and I agree that they need to address those issues before they can really get into lasting weight loss. 

I'm just saying that's not the case for me. I was just a lazy slob. I just needed someone to tell me to get off my butt and stop eating like a pig.  

Thursday, July 21, 2011

And there you were just sitting in a circle.

Funny gym story.

I was at the gym alone yesterday and I was trying to bust through my workout. I waved at this guy that we see almost every time we are there. He usually says something funny to Janelle, Ashley, and I because we always look like we are sitting around waiting for each other. 

He looks at me and says, "Well, I guess you can get some work done today since you are alone."

"Yea," I said, " We usually just sit around when we are here. This stuff isn't for working out, it's for lounging."

He laughs and then says, "Well, the first time I saw you girls you were all over there (by the squat rack) sitting on the floor in a circle. I was wondering what the heck you girls were doing and why you were just sitting on the floor. Then I saw you girls start squatting and I knew you were no joke!"

"Oh wow. Yea, we do a lot of sitting while we're here. I'm sure most people think we are crazy. I think I might decorate my house with gym equipment. It's better for lounging."

Anyway, I thought it was a funny story. I didn't get to tell Janelle and Ashley until this morning when we were at the gym. 

I like it when I run into people at the gym that are nice and not trying to coach us, train us, tell us we are doing everything wrong, etc, etc....and those types of interactions make me smile.  I do need to smile more often. 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Where the heck is that scale in this place?

I walked into the gym yesterday and walked right to the scale...or where I thought the scale should be. 

There was a big empty wall in front of me. I was perplexed. I walked to another side of the gym where they used to keep a scale. There was more empty wall staring me in the face. 

I sat on one of the bikes and peddled slowly making a confused, frowny face. When Janelle got there I told her that I couldn't find the scale. I think I said, "This is the only gym in the history of the world without a scale."

She looked at me and told me that I was being overly dramatic like always. 

I made her scour the gym with me because there had to be a scale somewhere in the friggin' gym! What gym doesn't have a scale? I guess our gym doesn't have a scale. We never found one. 

We started working out and I could tell it was bothering her that we never found the scale. She wandered off to find one of the employees that we will actually talk to, to find out what the heck was going on with our scale free gym. 

The employee told her that some man broke it. They didn't know how, but they think he like jumped on it or something. They said they had a part on order. She also said that this was the 3rd scale in 2 years that had been broken by people being too rough. 

Why are people so rough when they stand on scales? I try to be as gentle as possible when I get on the scale because I think the scale will be nice to me and weigh me lighter than I am! Who jumps on the scale? I could understand breaking a scale after seeing what you weigh, but breaking it by jumping on it? Come on now, really?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I have to meet this goal I've set for myself

Short and sweet today....

I said I want to go rock climbing at this indoor climbing place in my town. I've been putting it off and I have no idea why. 

I don't really want to be a rock climber. I just want to do it at least once because it's something that I couldn't do last summer or anytime before now. 

I have to keep reminding myself that I want to try this just once. 

I need some more reminders. Janelle keeps asking me when we're going and I keep telling her before the end of summer. I think this week we will have to sit down and make real arrangements to get it done. 

Monday, July 18, 2011

Excuse me...could you please shut up?

I'm trying to find classes to take at the gym. They are part of my membership and I figure since I don't have to pay extra I should try them out. Janelle is also doing a show in October so she has to burn as many calories as possible and taking classes seems like the perfect thing for us to do on our off days from lifting or as a second workout for the day. 

I tried Zumba, and we all know how that went. If you don't you can read about it here

Today we tried a class called Body Blitz. It was described as a class of body sculpting and cardio. It sounded pretty good. Janelle couldn't go today so it was just Ashley, Kelly, and myself. Janelle does need a full report of what we thought of the class...I can't wait to tell her. 

Honestly, the class wasn't bad. We were moving and lifting the whole time. The class only ended up being about 50 minutes long. I burned over 600 calories. Not too bad for a Monday morning. 

But....I don't know if I will go back. There were only a few ladies in the class. I think they were all older than us too. Most of them just stood around talking to each other...loudly. It made it hard to hear the instructor, it made it hard to pay attention, and it made me want to hit them.  know I'm not allowed to hit the elderly, but it was damn close today. 

These 4 ladies were honestly being rude. I can't believe how little class they had. I work with middle school students that they can conduct themselves better in a class than these old ladies. I understand that you and your friends want to laugh and have a good time, but there is a time and place for all that!

On top of that, they were seeing that we were beginning to get frustrated and it just egged them on even more. What adult behaves that way? They set themselves up in the middle of the room and then just stood around talking. Other people who really wanted to get something from the class were pushed off to the side and couldn't hear crap!

I think the instructor needed to say something to them. It was obvious that these women come to the class all the time and the instructor knows them. She needed to tell them to cool it. This instructor is never going to get new people to stay in her class because these ladies are chasing everyone away! 

The end was the worst. The instructor does about 5 minutes of yoga as a cool down. She turns the lights out and everyone has the opportunity to relax. These crazy old ladies are laughing and when I say laughing, I really mean cackling. They keep YELLING, "Do I get a cookie if I quiet down? Will you buy me lunch if I stay quiet? tummy is rumbling!" 

I looked at Kelly and told  her we had to get the eff out of there before I assaulted elderly women. 

Seriously, what adult acts like that in public? I wish the instructor would have told them to shut up. 

I'm not sure if I will ever take that class again. It was a good class, but those women were awful. 

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Terrible moods

The past few days I have been in a terrible mood. There have been a few things going on around me that I'm not so happy about. 

I have not wanted to even workout. I've really just wanted to lay on my couch and hide from the world. I really don't have the option to hide from the world or miss a workout, so I've begrudgingly been going to do my workouts. 

Here's the good news though, working out always puts me in a better mood. Friday I was on the verge of tears before my workout, but laughing and smiling when I was done. 

Today when I made it to the gym I did not want to be there. I think I even said, "I don't want to be here. I'm too pissed off." Of course, I still stayed and did the workout, but I was ready to punch anyone who looked at me wrong. By the end of the workout my mood had shifted and I was laughing, smiling, and in a much better mood. 

It also helps that I have friends to talk to while I'm working out. It's nice to have people to unload on and still get in a good workout. 

Even if you are in a hate the world mood you should still go to the gym. You're going to be angry and you can focus that anger into your workout. By the end you will also be in a better mood; I promise. 

Friday, July 15, 2011

Running around outside

Today was another outside workout. Not as hot, not as humid, and much earlier in the day, but we did have to start off at the gym. (Most Dam/Reserve areas don't have random squat racks laying around at the bottom of their steep hills!)

So, after we did our squats and whatnot, we had go back to that awful hill and walk up and down it a million times and then we had to walk up it backward 5 times. I did it and that's pretty cool. I burned around 1200 calories today, which is freaking awesome. 

Today I was able to take some pictures to try and show how big this hill is. 

Chillin' at the gym. I spend more time there
than anywhere else these days. 
This is at the very bottom of our hill.
This is also the time I ask Janelle what
the eff I'm thinking by being there. 
This is at the top of the hill looking down. 
This is Janelle about half way up the hill.
I had to zoom in on her because you couldn't
even see her in the original photo!
This is our giant hill from far away.
I love how you can see the paths
worn into the grass. 
For some reason birds started swirling
overhead! I wonder if they
thought we weren't going
to make it?

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Just try to remember

So, I've been trying to refocus again, and again, and again. I've been talking to Janelle a lot about what I need to do and what I need to remember. 

My other friends are awesome too, but they just don't push me enough. Seriously. I need someone to be hard on me and push me because I know this is what I want. 

Janelle told me something yesterday that I need to start saying to myself. She told me that when she is on a meal plan and can't have the sweets that she wants when she wants, like a Reeses cup, she tells herself that Reeses will still be there when she is off her meal plan and done training for  a show. 

I need to start reminding myself that I'm working toward a goal (a really realistic goal - to be at a healthy weight) and right now, I will have to make sacrifices. All the junk food that I want will still be there when I reach my goal and I start a plan to maintain my weight. 

So, I know this is a post that is a little for serious me, and a little more serious that I like to be, but I have to get my act together and remember why I started this. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Ok, that was the worst workout ever

Yesterday I did the worst workout I've ever done. Honestly, I couldn't do everything I had to do. When that happened I would just walk up and down the steep, steep stairs. 

Ok, I have to back up and start from the beginning. 

It was about 90 something degrees, high humidity, full sun, and the middle of the day. Janelle informs me that we need to meet at the Reserve/Dam because we have to do an outside workout and she just found out too. 

When we workout outside there is a lot of stair running, hill running, stair hopping on two legs, or sometimes one. You just never know what you're going to have to do. 

We try to do those workouts in the morning before it gets too hot. Yesterday was the exception. 

I was spent after the first thing we had to do which was jog up the side of the dam 5 times. Truthfully, I made it 4 times. My legs were so wobbly after that. I had to keep stopping on my way back down the hill to sit and rest. I really, really thought I was going to puke.

I kept telling Janelle that I was trying to keep up and if it wasn't so flipping hot and humid I might be doing better. I kept checking my heart rate monitor to see what my heart rate was. It was flashing 179 with an arrow pointing down letting me know that my heart was beating waaaaayyyy too fast!

After that we had to hop up the stairs on one foot. Ok, Janelle hopped up the stairs on one foot. I just walked up and down the stairs, but that was even a chore in and of itself. I tried to hop up with both feet together, but my legs would not cooperate. I really didn't want to fall on my face on those cement steps. 

After that we had to run/jog up the hill backward. I was able to do that, but I looked at Janelle like she kicked my dog when she told me. 

The last thing we had to do was run up a slightly smaller hill taking the biggest strides we could. I let Janelle go ahead of me so I could see what she was doing. When she started I said, "Oh, we're leaping. Why didn't you just say so?" I didn't think that was a bad thing either, but I kept blacking out. 

Throughout the whole thing we were both just pouring water all over ourselves. We were both drenched. It was easier to tell on me because my pants were grey and Janelle was wearing black shorts. I had my pants rolled up into shorts. We both looked ridiculous. 

I could hardly even speak to Janelle, but I think she was having a hard time talking too. I just kept saying over and over, "I'm trying to hard to keep up. I'm really trying. I'm not going to stop.....oh crap, blacking out again."

Janelle assured me that I wasn't doing that bad and it was a pretty hard workout because of the sun beating directly down on us. 

Overall, I think next time it will be easier. I wish I would have had my camera with me. I wanted pictures of that massive hill. I'll get some at some point. I know we'll be back there at that beast again soon. 

Overall, in about one hour and fifteen minutes I burned 1108 calories and I was in my fat burning zone for 56 minutes. Now that it's all done I feel a lot better, but when I was doing it I was running my mouth was worse than a sailor. 

I seriously look like a hot mess. I could not even
focus on the fact that my pants were coming unrolled.
My legs were also about to give out, and I swear
my pants are wet because I had poured water
all over myself...seriously!

Janelle doesn't look as bad as I did, but
I guarantee you that she was holding
herself up on the car!

Ok, bad picture of me, but it kinda shows the giant hill we
were jogging/running/walking up and down.
This picture really doesn't do it much justice though!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

And yesterday at the gym...

Some of the people I encounter at the gym never cease to amaze me. Yesterday was no exception. 

I know I tell stories about the gym all the time, but I seriously see and experience the strangest things. 

I had to make up a workout from last week, so I was at the gym alone. I hate the gym when I'm alone. I was just finishing up my workout. I was doing some oblique things with a 25 pound plate. As I was putting the plate back and an older man comes up to me and says...

"What are you doing lifting all that weight?"

I didn't hear him at first because I was wearing headphones. I took them out and said, "Excuse me?"

"What are you doing working out with all that weight? You're going to get bulky like a man."

"Oh, that's not going to happen. I need to lift heavy."

"For what reason? You're working too hard."

"Well, if you lift heavy it burns more fat."

"No, no, just want to firm up, right? You need to lift light weights. Ladies need to lift light. You don't want to get bulky."

"Oh, that's not going to happen. You can't get bulky from lifting heavy. I would have to take something for that to happen."

Then he yells across the gym, "Hey.....hey Chuck....tell this little girl that she shouldn't be lifting so heavy."

"Ok, I'm not going to get bulky unless I start taking me." Then I literally ran out the door to get away from him. 

I'm one of those people that can't think of witty responses when I'm caught off guard. I'm one of those people that thinks of great comebacks after the fact. 

So, on my way home I think of this and I should have said, "Oh, if I lift heavy I'll get bulky like a man? I see you lifting really heavy and you don't look like a man." Damn...why couldn't I have thought of that sooner. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Dear Zach...

Dear Zach, 

I know I have been struggling this summer with my meal plans and I have no one to blame but myself. Even if I tried to give you excuses you wouldn't buy them and they would probably just piss you off. 

I'm not gonna lie, my self control has been pretty out of sorts for the past few months. I'm not sure what to do about that, but I've been getting back on track for the past few weeks (with the exception of that wedding reception on Saturday). 

So, I need some help getting refocused. I'm not sure right now how to get back to that mindset from last January. Janelle and I did have a long talk at the gym yesterday and she did bring up some good points and helped me to realize some things that I had forgotten about. 

Anyway, I would also like to clear up the whole "cheat day" issue. I know everyday is a cheat day because I get to eat what I want at certain times and certain portion/calorie sizes. I call it a "cheat day" because it helps other people around me to understand what I was doing. That term is not so much for me, but for everyone else. (Janelle said you feel the same about the word "cheat day" as you do "tone up")

Seriously, I'm ready to get back on track with this whole meal plan business. I'm ready to do what I know I need to do and what I'm expected to do. I'm sorry if I made you mad/upset by so blatantly going out and screwing up and then posting the evidence on Facebook. (not my brightest moment) 

Basically, if I wasn't serious about this I wouldn't have written this letter for the whole blog world to see. Hopefully I'll see you soon to get a new meal plan and you can help me get back on track mentally. 


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Wedding fun time

I went to a wedding yesterday for a great friend of mine. It was a pretty wedding, pretty reception, and pretty everything that had to do with the wedding. 

This morning I was looking at the pictures on my camera and finally had something weight loss related to talk about. It's really just comparison pictures. 

Last July I was at a wedding and this July I was at a wedding (obviously). The one similarity from last year to this year is my excellent tan. I've been a little obsessed with my tan lately. You can ask anyone; they'll tell you. 

July 2010
July 2011

Friday, July 8, 2011

That was a killer workout

So, I totally forgot to write anything yesterday, but I didn't really even have anything to say. 

This morning, however, I have a lot to say. 

We went to the Reserve this morning. It was already hot and humid too. Then it started to rain...

Anyway, we had to run, jump, lunge, squat, jump up stairs, run up hills, and in general do a bunch of crap that I don't want to do. 

Since I wear a heart rate monitor I know that my heart rate was out of control and I'm pretty sure my heart was actually about to explode. 

Half way through I was pretty sure that my legs were going to give out and I'm also pretty sure the only reason I finished was because my legs were totally numb. 

I think all of us were about to puke at different times throughout the workout. I kept asking who was about to puke. I told them it didn't matter if they did, but I was not going to clean it up. Ashley reminded me that we were outside and there was no reason to clean it up if someone did puke. That made me feel better. 

No one puked, we all finished, my legs and lower body are killing me, and now I'm going to the pool for the rest of the day....and I might get a pedicure today too. I think I deserve it. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Why is it so hot?

Ok, it's not really that hot. It's been like 90ish, but high humidity. I don't really care how hot it is, because I spend most of my time inside during the day. 

The heat sucks though because I like to walk outside. On my off days from the gym (Monday and Wednesday) I try to go take walks. I wanted to take a walk tonight, but I just think it's too hot...or...I really just want to watch the Reds game and I'm making excuses. 

I'm going to use the heat as my "excuse" for the night. I think I will do some ab stuff while I'm sitting here watching the game. 

I've been having headaches lately too. I think that is heat related. I think I'm getting a little dehydrated and it's causing some headaches. I keep trying to drink more water, but I can't keep up! For the past week I know I've drank over a gallon of water every day. I still feel like if I was getting enough I wouldn't be getting these headaches. (I'll blame the heat for this too and that gives me another "excuse" to stay in tonight.) 

Well, now that I'm done making excuses, I better get off my butt and do something. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011 way.

Against my better judgement I tried Zumba.....for 10 minutes. It's all I could tolerate. 

Ok, I'm not a dancer. I'm not coordinated. I don't follow dance steps. I need to go slower and take more time. I don't feel energetic. I don't want to shake my ass, jump in the air, and wave my arms around. 

I tried to leave before we even started when the instructor was calling out the steps to a new dance/song they were going to be doing. 

Ok, let me back up.....Ashley asked if we would go Zumba. I was hesitant, but Janelle reminded me that I would probably burn a ton of calories. I'm all about burning the calories. She also said we were sure to have fun....yea, right. 

I tell Kelly that this is all going down tonight and she says that she wants to go because she has been trying to get me to go to Zumba for a long time. 

When we were standing around waiting for the class to begin I started having that panic feeling that I didn't want to be there. I can't quite explain it, but it's an overwhelming feeling I get when I start to feel uncomfortable. (I guess it's like that fight or flight attitude) I just start saying that I want to leave and I'll just walk while they are taking the class. 

I tried to grab my keys a few times and leave, but Ashley kept grabbing my arm to make me stay. Kelly kept calling me a baby. Janelle kept telling me the class hadn't even started, I needed to give it a try, and no one cares what I look like. 

All I know is, I had to get the eff out of that room. I'm sure no one does care what I look like while doing the Zumba crap, but I care. I know they could care less what I look like, but to me  everyone is staring at me and I just can't stand that thought. I love to be the center of attention if I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. I was not comfortable even standing in that room with all those other people in there. 

So, I tried to leave again, and I was stopped. I love my friends, but I was about to flip out on them. I had to get out of that room. 

The class started and I could not follow what was happening. I was so frustrated. They all keep telling me to try and I'm not even putting in any effort. 

I don't know how to put effort and energy into something that I can't even follow. I was miserable. I can't even explain how miserable. I was also frustrated. I'm one of those people that will rarely, rarely cry, unless I'm frustrated. I was so frustrated that I finally just told them I was going to get water. I never went back. (Ok, I stayed for like 1.5 songs)

I just got on the treadmill and then the bike and waited for them to finish up. Ashley came out at one point and tried to get me back in there. 

I don't know why I would want to do a workout that does nothing but frustrate me. I felt nothing exciting or fun about the time I was in there. It was awful. I'm upset just thinking about it now. 

They can think I was being a baby all they want. I know the real reasons that I left. I don't feel the need to explain myself and why I didn't want to be there. I will not ever do that again either. I would rather lift. 

Monday, July 4, 2011

I'll just have water.

I'm getting my butt refocused. Really. No more sabotaging myself. I've been out nearly every night for the past 2 weeks.....and I've drank water...a lot of water. 

I go out. I order water and everyone else orders drinks. Bartenders and servers ask, "Why aren't you drinking?" (I guess they are used to me ordering drinks after years of, well....ordering drinks.)

"Oh, I just don't feel like drinking." There is no real need for me to explain why I'm drinking water. 

"Are you sick?"

"Nope. Just not drinking."


"Oh, heck no. I'm just not drinking!"

"Oh....that's weird."

"Why? I don't see why you are so concerned with my lack of alcohol intake. It's not like we're talking hard drugs here. I'm just off the booze for a while. Geeze......oh and bring me some celery and lemons with that water....and don't ask. Just do it."

I try to tell people that this situation is just temporary. I'll be out getting wasted again before they all know it! Ok, maybe not wasted...but eventually a few beers or whiskeys won't be an issue. I just don't feel the need to defend myself for NOT drinking!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

I smiled all the way home

I went to the gym alone yesterday at a time that I never go to the gym (on a Saturday, that is). That place was crazy. I've never seen so much weird activity in my life. Too much of it is difficult to explain, except one story.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone is watching you? I do all the time, and it's usually the jerks that work at the gym. They still think that Janelle is training me and I'm paying her. So they seriously spy on us; no kidding. 

So, I have that feeling, but it's from a guy who I see there all the time. I'm pretty sure he's a body builder, and if he's not he should be. I just keep catching him watching what I'm doing. 

I start thinking that there must be something on my face or my clothes are messed up or something. 

Finally, I notice him walking toward me and I just keep doing what I'm doing and assume that he's just walking toward me to get to something else. 

Nope...he stops right in front of me. I take out my head phones and he says.....
(He also sounded like a drill sergeant. He was very nice, but abrupt, and a little scary.)

"Ok, tell me how much weight have  you lost?"

"Oh, officially, 92 pounds."

"That's great. I can tell. I can tell you work hard when you're here."

"Oh thanks. I usually work out with my friend."

"I know. I've seen her. She looks good too. Does she compete?"


"People are wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"People don't realize that this (lifting) is how to lose weight. They think you have to get over there on that treadmill and run until you pass out."

"I totally agree." 

"You look great. Keep up the hard work," and then he was gone.....he just turned around and walked off. 

It was a very nice conversation, but it was so abrupt. He was nearly yelling at me, but he wasn't trying to yell. It was weird....I told Janelle about it (of course). She was laughing. I told her he was like a trainer, body builder, drill sergeant. 

Anyway, I smiled for the whole drive home.