That's a lot of inches.

            I weigh myself every other week and I get measured near the end of every month. So, the other day I weighed myself and I have now lost a total of 74 pounds. I’m not losing as fast as I was when I started all of this, but Janelle keeps reminding me that the less weight you have to lose the slower you lose it. I hope that makes sense. It made sense to me anyway. I was still kinda bummed.

I was able to lose about 4 or 5 pounds every two weeks. Now I’m losing only 2 or 3 pounds every two weeks. I keep telling myself that I’m still losing and I’m losing at a good pace. Janelle also reminds me that I could do a crash diet and lose all of my weight really fast, but then I would probably gain it right back. Not to mention how unhealthy that is. I mean, I could do Adkins, but then I would die because I would have no carbs to help me sustain brain function, and that would be really unhealthy.

So, yesterday was my day to get measured. (Side note, no one ever bothers us at the gym while we take our measurements, but yesterday they just really seemed unhappy about us doing our own thing. Oh well.) So Janelle did my measurements and she kept making shocked sounds. Ashley and I wanted to know if these were good sounds of bad. I guess they were good, because I had lost nearly and inch or more off all of my measurement. I added them up later and it was 6 ½ inches total. I was shocked then.

Usually I lose about 3 or 4 inches each month. So I was super excited to see these numbers; excited enough to write a whole blog about it. My total inches lost are now 38 inches and I’m noticing that my inches lost are gaining on my pounds lost! I’m not going to lie; it made me feel good to see that. I’ve been getting upset about the even slower weight loss, so seeing the spike in inches lost made me feel a lot better. I sometimes have to remind myself that I lift, so I’m building a lot of muscle.

I also have to get a Bod Pod this week. I’m looking forward to that. I can’t wait to see what my lean mass has done since my last one. I know I won’t be disappointed. I’ve also recruited some new people to go with me. So that should be exciting. 

Why is that on your iPod?

           Ok, I only have a teeny, tiny iPod Shuffle; the old version. I just don’t use it enough to justify buying a big fancy iPod. I only use it at the gym; which is why I have the small one and since I only use it at the gym I have some strange music on it.

            I typically listen to classic rock, but I can tolerate almost anything, except country. When I first started using my iPod I programmed all my favorites: Eric Clapton, Pink Floyd, Who, Pearl Jam, Rolling Stones, Queen, etc. There was something wrong though, because I wasn’t feeling motivated when I was at the gym alone and relied on my iPod to motivate me and help me pass the time. Then it hit me; I love this music, but it’s not pumping me up…I needed old school 80’s and 90’s rap!

            Once I realized that I needed Ol’ Dirty Bastard, Dr. Dre, Snoop, Ludacris, Ice Cube, and all of my other favorite rap stars to get my through my workouts, I was set. Now it’s no big surprise to have my play list go from ODB’s “Got Your Money” to Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” or Dre’s “Nuthin’ but a “G” Thang” to Pearl Jam’s “Alive”. I still kept my regular play list too, but now it’s just mixed up with music that can really pump me up! Sometimes the song transitions make me laugh and I wonder who else would really enjoy my strange play list.

            Sometimes I wonder what other people are listening to when they are at the gym. Then because it's me, I decide to make a game out of it and tell myself what other people are listening to. I will pick someone out and I run through strange songs that might be on their iPod. For example; let’s say I’m people watching a giant meat head and he is rocking out to whatever he is listening to. Then I tell myself that he’s listening to “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor or “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood. Then I get that song in my head and watch that guy lift and check himself out in the mirror. It’s a fun game. You should try it.

            All in all, I know that I’m not the only person that feels motivated by music, specific genres of music, or specific songs while I’m working out! Everyone has those secret playlists that they reserve for themselves. 

Hey, wanna run a 5k? No, no I don't.

I will never run a marathon or 5K. Hell, I won’t even run a lap. Running is not for me. I don’t even like the treadmill. I do like to take walks with friends, but otherwise I’m not even a big fan of walking.

I’ve noticed a lot of people making goals to run 5K’s or marathons, or whatever. A lot of these people are my friends and I think it’s great that they have these goals. I will never have this as a goal. In fact, I think there is nothing worse than wanting to run a marathon. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel this way since so many people like to run and I would always have someone to run with.

Even more than noticing my friends running; I’ve noticed that a lot of people with weight loss goals make a goal to run something. More power to those people, because just the thought of it makes me frown. Again, I wish I didn’t feel this way about 5k’s, marathons, or charity walks….of don’t even get me started on charity walks.

So, charity walks…yea. I can’t stand them. I don’t understand how me walking is making an impact. I’ll just donate the money and skip the walk. The donation is making the difference. I’m sure someone out there has a different take on the matter, but I don’t care. Don’t even bother telling me! I tried to do Relay for Life once. I thought since Relay deals with cancer research and funding, it would mean more to me. It didn’t and it didn’t work out for me. I was bored. I just donated my money and left. If anything, it just made me sad. It’s all the same in the end for me. I get no more satisfaction from walking and donating money than I do from just donating the money. Actually, I think I feel more satisfaction from just donating the money.

My sister keeps trying to convince me to walk 5k’s while she is running them. She gives me the argument about being healthier and doing more healthy activities. I just tell her no, no way, hell no. I like going to they gym, I like lifting. I like my small bits of cardio on the elliptical. If she wants to run, she can run her little heart out, but I want nothing to do with it! I also had a friend that wanted me to walk 5k’s with her. She just wanted to get a little more activity going in her life, and I told her no too. I think she was a little offended though, because I went on my whole rant about hating charity walks!

I don’t know why I have such a dislike of this activity. I don’t even care to find a reason for not wanting to do them. I just don’t care for them. I do want to do more activities as I lose more weight, but I’m not sure what to do. I know what I don’t want do though and by this point I’m sure you also know what I don’t want to do!

A workout full of excuses.

             Yesterday’s workout was a killer. I’m not even joking. I was looking forward to it because I had a rough day at work and needed to workout some frustration. Then we started squatting, and I wished I had just stayed home.

            Janelle went first. When she was done with her first set she was like, “Crap. I just did 15 more pounds than I was supposed to.” So what is my brilliant response; a laugh. I “ha ha” her as I’m getting ready to do my set; and that’s when it all went wrong. I feel like Karma kicked my ass for laughing at her. I also squatted 10 more pounds than I needed to. So, since we both made it through with the heavier weight, we had to continue to use the heavier weight. By the time we were done with squats and lunges, we were both exhausted and not even close to done.

            Then we had to do step ups where we were both feeling “wobbly”. It was awful. That was immediately followed up with the leg press. The first and best excuse of the day came from Janelle, whether she admits it or not. After her first set on the leg press she says, “It’s awful; it feels like 1000 pounds, and I thought my knee cap was going to shoot off my leg.” I was dreading doing my set, but I thought her excuses were starting to sound a lot like mine.

            The leg press was awful; no doubt about it, but the worst was the burn out. It was 50 leg extensions followed by 25 squat jumps. Ashley calls them “frog jumps” and I call them “jumpy jumps”. Whatever you call them, they suck. Anyway, we had to do this 3 times in a row. I was tired before I even started, and that’s when my excuses started flowing.

Before the leg extensions, I told Janelle that my legs were broken. Then before the squat thingies I told her that my pants were too big and the crotch of them felt like it was hanging down too far and it was in the way. On the next set I told her that I was wearing a bad sports bra for doing jumps. Janelle really just laughed at me, but I was all tapped out. Finally, I started a jump, but then I never jumped. I just kinda sat on the ground. Janelle started laughing and asked if she thought I wasn’t going to notice.

Really, it was a rough workout yesterday, and I bet it’s because I laughed a Janelle and then I was punished by some gym karma. I was really exhausted and I thought my excuses were legit. I really was wearing a bra that was no good for jumping, and my pants really were too big! I think the more exhausted I am, the better my excuses. 

This gum tastes like ice cream!

          I have discovered so many foods and snacks that I never knew existed. I guess when you can’t eat or drink whenever you want; you come up with new favorite things. My latest favorite thing is gum that tastes like ice cream. Not only does is taste like ice cream, it tastes like mint chocolate chip! I love all things ice cream and I consider myself an expert on all things ice cream, so take my word for it when I say it is awesome. 

          Also, people ask me from time to time what I eat. It’s hard to tell people, because I eat what I want, but I eat in smaller portions at certain times. The other day I was thinking about some of my new favorite foods and snacks and thought I would share with you some of my favorites.

***All of these things are pretty low calorie and the all have no more than 2 grams of saturated fat per serving.***

1. Whole wheat eggos or low fat eggos. Serving size for both is 2 eggos and they are 140 calories per serving.
2. Laughing cow cheese wedges, all varieties. All flavors are 35 calories per wedge and it is great with crackers.
3. Craisin 100 calorie packs. This is pretty self explanatory for serving size and calories.
4. Flavored Craisins, especially the Cherry Flavored and Pomegranate Flavored varieties. Serving size 1/3 cup and they are 140 calories per serving.
5. Planters NUT-rition, Digestive Health Mix. Serving size 3 tablespoons and it is 140 calories per serving.
6. Planters NUT-rition, Energy Mix. Serving Size ¼ cup and it is 190 calories per serving.
7. Morningstar Farms Grillers Tomato and Basil Pizza Burgers. 120 calories/burger and these are freaking awesome with some fresh tomatoes and other veggies, seriously.
8. Morningstar Farms Grillers California Turk’y Burger. 90 calories/burger and these are also awesome with fresh veggies and Sweet Thai Chili Sauce.
9. Clif Bars, all varieties. 240 calories/serving. These look gross, but they are fantastic, I promise.
10. Greek Yogurt, all varieties, all brands. I’ve tried a lot of different brands and they are all good. I’ve also found different brands with different calories. Some were 120 calories/serving and others have been 11o, 100, and even 90 calories/serving.
11. Extra Mint Chocolate Chip Gum. This stuff is amazing and I chew a lot of gum between my eating times.

So, these are some of my new favorites. I feel like there are more, but I can’t think of them right now. Maybe you eat some of these things or maybe you know of other delicious things I have not come upon!

 I made myself laugh while I was making this list because I could rattle off the calories without even looking. I guess I eat a lot of the same foods over and over! I wasn’t even going to put the calorie content of anything, but I knew all of them without even going to look, so I decided I might as well put it out there!

I also feel like this makes me look like I eat super healthy. Truthfully, sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Like I said, I often get asked what I eat and I think sometimes when I say pizza, Taco Bell, Chipotle, etc, etc people look at me like I’m lying. All I can tell them is that it’s really portion control so I have the freedom to eat what I want! 

Hey man, nice hat.

Ok, anyone who spends any amount of time at a co-ed gym has seen a ton of crazy things and crazy people. I could write a book just about the crazy people I encounter at the gym, but a short blog will have to do for now and focusing on one guy will have to do as well.

So, let my try to paint a picture of this guy for you. You’ve all seen a guy like this. In a nut shell, he can be described as having “short man syndrome”. This guy is short; probably around 5'5”. He is fairly muscular, but not as muscular as he thinks he is. He only works his upper body and not his lower body. He has little chicken legs. He wears muscle tanks that are too big and walks with his upper body puffed up. My sister likes to call it “invisible lat syndrome”. He also wears a knit snow cap all the time, but as silly as I think he looks, it’s not just his appearance and hat that annoy me. 

He is the loudest, most obnoxious dude in the gym. He is always trying to give out workout advice, but not even in a nice way. He has that mentality that he knows everything and you know nothing. Most of his advice is unsolicited as well.

One day he was telling another guy, who was twice the size he was and clearly this guy knew what he was doing, but this tiny guy really wanted to give him “advice”. He was telling him, loudly, to eat Kobe Beef because it’s a white meat cow, but the stores don’t tell you that. He then was telling this same guy that his form was off, and he needed to use lighter weights. Another time he told a group of very obviously fit guys that you can’t work out 2 days in a row because the blood won’t go to the muscles you just worked out.

Those situations are so funny because this guy has no clue what he’s talking about. He was giving advice to guys that had more knowledge on lifting than he does. It’s also so funny because this guy stands around giving out unwanted advice, but never seems to lift a weight. He stands near a lot of weights, but never seems to use them.

I think my favorite thing about this guy was when we heard him talking about his hat that he always wears. It was obvious that the guy who asked him was making fun of him and asked why he always wears the hat. He responded in a very matter-of-fact way, “I wear this hat everywhere. It would be like leaving the house without my pants on!” Janelle looked at me and really quietly and slowly said back to me, “without…his…pants…on.” We both just laughed and I’ve got news for that guy; forgetting your hat and forgetting your pants are two very different things.

I just can’t believe how loud he talks. He wants everyone to hear him. He wants to be knowledgeable, but he’s not. He’s also not very nice around Janelle and I; probably because we can lift more than him.

There are other guys like him, but he’s the worst one we’ve come across. There are other guys that are loud and talk about inappropriate things, but this guy takes the cake. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the gym has come across a guy like this. Maybe other people don’t notice these things, but I’m a people watcher. I’m constantly checking my surroundings and the gym is an awesome place to watch all kinds of people. 

But I can't.

       Sometimes the hardest part of day is getting to the gym. Some days I have no motivation, and it takes everything in me to change my clothes, drive my car, and walk into the gym. Usually by the time I do all of that I’m feeling better and have no problem working out, but there are rare occasions when I still have no motivation even after I get there. On those days Janelle has told me that some of my excuses for not wanting to do certain exercises are some of the best she’s ever heard. After that we started thinking about things I’ve said and excuses that I use. Here is what we have come up with:

1. “My elbows are slippery today,” on why I couldn’t do planks.
2. “I don’t like how my toes feel in my socks and shoes today,” on not wanting to do anything at all.
3. “I think my back is broken,” on not wanting to do squats and lunges.
4. “I forgot my heart rate monitor,” on not wanting to do cardio.
5. “Don’t feel safe on this machine. I’m not doing it,” on hating this crazy ab machine that I refuse to use.
6. “This is too hard. This is the hardest thing ever,” on anything that I don’t want to do in hopes that Janelle will let me do something else.
7. “I’m still drunk,” on not wanting to do the workout the day after my birthday which was also a cheat day where I decided to drink a ton of booze.

Whenever I use one of these excuses, Janelle just laughs at me. Really, she just laughs and tells me that I exaggerate everything and I still have to everything even though I think my excuses are pretty good. The excuse about my toes is a real excuse. If my toes can’t wiggle and move, I can’t focus. Seriously, my whole well being stems from the comfort of my toes. In the winter I’m very unfocused. When I can wear flip flops and sandals, my focus is amazing. 

My new obsession.

            I’m not even ashamed to admit it, but I love Richard Simmons. I was actually writing something different and looking for pictures to go along with it, and a picture of Richard Simmons appeared. I immediately decided to switch topics.

            I really want a Sweatin’ to the Oldies dvd and until about a month ago, I didn’t think you could even find them anywhere. I was looking for a yoga dvd and I kept coming across new Richard Simmons dvds. I didn’t buy one because they were backordered for like 3 months. I knew I couldn’t wait that long, so I passed. I did call my mom and tell her about them. I think I have her convinced to buy one.

            I know I have my mom convinced. She said she wanted one and wanted to know if I would come over and do it with her. “Hell yea,” I told her. I want to rock out with Richard. He is freakin’ awesome. He is peppy, happy, motivational, energetic, helpful…basically, everything I’m not, and I can’t get enough of him.

            He was on Ellen the other week, and I was sad I couldn’t watch the whole interview. I was at the gym (go figure) and it was hard to hear what he was saying. I did stand there doing nothing for a good 5 minutes before Janelle brought me back to reality. After that I’m sure I told her about my love of Richard.

            I mean, really, what’s not to like? He wants to help people and shows them how easy it can really be to get moving. He’s been helping people for over 20 years and he really enjoys what he’s doing. I tell anyone who will listen about how awesome he is, and I’m sure most people are tired of hearing me talk about it.

The other night I was telling my friends mom that we were going to start “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” and she said that she would be there every time! She then said that she still has her old Richard Simmons vhs tapes. It also sparked the same ol’ conversation of me telling everyone who would listen about how awesome Richard really is. This time, everyone listening totally agreed with me too!

I’ll leave you with a few photos of Richard. How could  you not love him?

New Year at the gym.

            I hate the gym at the first of the year. I’m all about people making resolutions to get in shape, lose weight, or be healthier, but I can’t stand it when you clog up the gym and have no clue what you are doing. Yesterday at the gym, I about lost is on a few of them!

            Here’s the situation. I woke up in a bad mood. I’m not sure why, but I did. As the day went on, I started feeling better, but when I was at the gym I was at my height of annoyance. Being at the gym with all the “Resolution Gym Goers” was probably a bad idea. They are always in the way, and not courteous.

I was going through my workout and I was a little ahead of Janelle and Ashley, so I went over to the “butt blaster” to get started on the next set. I was putting weight on the machine and making sure I had what I needed. Out of no where this girl walks up and takes a 10 pound plate off my machine. I stared at her, and she just walked over to this ab machine and started working her lower back. I thought to myself, “Someone really wants me to get in a fight today. I’m going to hit this girl!” Then I stared at her for a few minutes to size her up and decided to let it go, but talk about her loudly to Janelle and Ashley. That way she would feel uncomfortable and leave.

So, while I was staring at her to size her up I decided that she was just a “Resolution Gym Goer.” Her clothes and shoes were new. She looked like she had done her hair and makeup before coming to the gym and she had no clue what she was doing. She looked like she was having a seizure instead of doing low back raises. By the end of March she will be bored and I’ll never see her again.

I did start talking about her really loud. I know she heard me. She was only 3 feet away from me and she didn’t have on headphones. Janelle walked over and we were rearranging the weights on the machine. I looked at her and said, “Be careful with your weights. People will walk right over and take them when you are using them.” Janelle was like, “Oh, really? It’s like that today?” I told her what happened and then said, “Someone really wants me to get in a fight today.”

After I said that, the girl walked off. When she came back, I grabbed the weight and added it back to our stack. Maybe that was an a-hole move, but hey, if you are going to be in the gym, have some gym etiquette. Don’t just take things that other people are using, and since I really couldn’t hit her, I had to do something.

I can’t wait until April when all the “Resolution Gym Goers” have fallen off the wagon. Then the gym will be nice and quiet again. I know I’m not alone in this thought. I hear it every year from people at the gym and from other people I know that work out regularly. Like I said before, I want everyone to go to the gym and be healthy, but be courteous. If not, people like me are only going to be able to bite our tongues for so long.

You are at the gym...put the soda down!

           When I think of the gym, I think of sweat, hard work, water, classes, etc. I don’t think of food, soda, candy, and coffee. Ok, I do think of those things, but only when do I get to have any of those things? What I mean, is food, soda, candy, and coffee aren’t the images brought to mind when I think of going to the gym. I’m apparently in a minority with those thoughts.

            The gyms I go to are full of food, pop cans, candy wrappers, and expensive coffee drinks. It’s only been the past six months that I’ve noticed this. Actually, I think Janelle noticed first, but promptly pointed it out to Ashley and me. We were on the floor doing something, and Janelle was like, “Gross, look at all that trash under the treadmill!” We all looked under the treadmill and there were chocolate candy wrappers all over the place.

            That made me wonder what the eff someone is thinking when they get to the gym. Is it something like, “Wow, I need to get on the treadmill today, but I really want chocolate. I know, I’ll walk on the treadmill and eat my bon bons. It’s like killing two birds with one stone.” I bet that person was really proud of themselves for coming up with that idea.

            After that, I started paying more attention while I was in the gym. I saw people drinking soda instead of water. There were people walking in and finishing fast food, and people walking around drinking Starbucks. There are people bringing candy with them and eating it while riding bikes or walking on the treadmills. It was really gross.

 I won’t even tell you what some of the employees eat and drink in plain view of members. I mean really, you are supposed to convince me that a healthy life style is the way to go and that you are happy and healthy. When you eat a fast food, wash it down with a Mountain Dew, and then step out for a cigarette, I’m having doubts that you know anything about anything and I think working at gym is the wrong career for you. (Just a side note: that does not apply to my Huber ladies. They would never do those things in front of members!)

It just makes me wonder what they are thinking when they come to the gym with all that junk. They are doing nothing to help themselves! Why even bother? On the other hand, I have to eat at the gym every so often. Like I said the other day, I have eat every three hours, no matter where, no matter what. I at least bring something mildly healthy, like Clif Bars and nuts. I have been known to keep going through my workout while eating too. One time I continued with the leg press while eating mixed nuts. I’m sure people were thinking I was crazy. Oh well.

            It’s not really eating at the gym that’s bothering me; it’s what people are eating at the gym. Don’t bring pop; don’t bring fast food or candy. Number one: I’m mad that you have it and I don’t. Number two: any number of other people in there might tackle you to get to that delicious junk food you are eating because they, themselves, have sworn off junk food and would kill just to get a taste of it. Number three: you just made yourself look uneducated for making such a stupid decision about snacks in the gym and I will forever file you under “Stupid People”.

Lookin' slim.

            Long before I ever met Zach, Janelle used to tell me about him; since they are married and all. Basically, the message I was getting about Zach was this; if you aren’t 100% dedicated to something, there is no point in doing it. I also gathered that Zach is pretty blunt, to the point, and doesn’t show too much emotion. Janelle always followed those conversations with, “You and Zach remind me of each other.” I would never tell her, but I would then think to myself, “Great, just like me. I’m going to hate him.”

            When I met Zach, I knew that everything Janelle had told me was true, but I decided quickly that I didn’t hate him. The first time I did meet him, he came charging into the house after a softball game and his calf was all torn up from getting into a fight with guys on the other team. My first memory of Zach was him pouring a bottle of peroxide over the wound on his calf. I remember him saying that it wouldn’t hurt because it was peroxide, but he screamed so loud when it hit his leg that I thought he was going to punch the wall.

            I didn’t meet him again, until he gave me my first meal plan. I didn’t know what to think that day. He was nothing but business. I was waiting for him to break out charts, graphs, and maybe a PowerPoint presentation. I tried to listen to everything he was saying, and what choices I should be making, but it was a lot to take in. Then he started quizzing me about what he told me and what my meal plan was going to be! I wished he would have told me there was going to be a test. I would have taken notes.

            Janelle would tell Zach about my progress, because I didn’t see him for a few months. She would then tell me that Zach was getting excited about how well everything was going. So, silly me, I thought the next time I saw Zach he would be super excited. Wrong. The next time I saw him and showed him the picture that would be the “before” all he said was, “Lookin’ slim. Don’t lose this picture.” Then he walked out of the room. I didn’t even get a smile out of him.

A few moths later at Janelle’s show in Indianapolis we were all sitting together and he didn’t say anything at all about my progress. Later Janelle told me that Zach talked about me the whole way home. He said he didn’t even recognize me at first. That made me laugh, because his wife had just competed in a show and placed in the top 5, but he talked about me. I knew he was happy for me, but I became bound and determined to get a reaction from him when I was in the room.

I should know better than to expect Zach to have a big reaction about my progress. After all, he really is a lot like me, and I know that I don’t get over the top excited about things in front of just anyone. I was only getting the “lookin’ slim” comment from him when I would see him, but Janelle would tell me that he would look through my Facebook pictures, talk about my progress, and look over my bod pods all the time.

She and I would make jokes about the situation. Like, if Zach’s in a bad mood, just show him an old picture of me and talk about how much weight I’ve lost and he’ll snap right back to normal. I was still bound and determined to get a reaction from him.

A few weeks ago, I was at their house working on my blog with Janelle. When Zach came home, he didn’t say a damn word. I was getting pissed. Damn it, I wanted the big reaction that Janelle tells me about. Then, it happened.

On my way out of their house, I told Zach I was getting ready to start a blog. He was like, “We’re launching?” Then, out of no where he said this, “Lookin’ slim and that’s a nice coat.” He was talking about my Harley coat, but that’s not important, because he was smiling. I was trying to stay calm and milk the situation for all it was worth; because this was the reaction I was looking for. So, just to make the most of it I said, “Yea, so, I’ve lost 71 pounds and 30 something inches in the past year.” He turned around and said, “That’s a lot of inches,” and he was still smiling, finally. He later told Janelle that he was shocked when he saw me that day and had to keep himself from staring. That made me smile.

It may not seem like much, but it’s the small things that count, and because it became a goal to get more than the “lookin’ slim” with no smiles. A smile may not seem like much, but when you have the personality that Zach and I have, a smile along with a nice compliment is like winning the lottery. 

So, when can you eat?

            I eat every three hours, and when I say every three hours, I mean every three hours. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. If it’s time to eat, I find a way to eat. I carry snacks everywhere I go incase I have to eat fast. I even tell people, “Hang on, I have to eat. Don’t worry; I’ll just shove this in my face. It’ll take like two minutes.” Eating on a schedule was probably the toughest adjustment to make. At first, I think it was hard for everyone around me to adjust to as well, but now they have it down too!

            When I first started the meal plan, I wouldn’t eat anything unless I prepared it and knew exactly how many calories were in it. I also wouldn’t go out to eat. I wanted to be as exact as possible when I started because I wanted to get used to everything. I gradually eased back into going out to eat, although I look up the nutrition content before I go out. When I get to the restaurant, I already know what I’m going to eat before I even see the menu. In fact, I only stare at the menu. I don’t read anything on it.

            When I do go out to eat I have to plan my whole day around it. So, if you want to go out to dinner at 7, I have to plan my day around that. Here’s what I would do in that situation. If you want to go out at 7, I would assume that we won’t be eating until 7:45. So, I would eat breakfast at 7:45 AM. That way I will be eating every three hours all day and be on schedule to eat with you at 7:45 PM. Then I would make sure I knew where we were going to eat and tell you that you can’t change your mind, because I have to research what I’m going to eat. Sometimes it’s exhausting to think about, but it really pays off. I just have to plan everything ahead of time! I’m sure you think I’m neurotic now. It’s ok, I am.

            When I started all of this, I was working at a Charter School. I explained to my middle school students what I was doing and asked them to help me keep track of the time. By the end of the school year, my students were on top of the whole thing! It was like they were all on the meal plan too. When I would lose track of time, my students would remind me. They would yell out, “Oh man, it’s 9:30! Time for a snack! 400 calories!” I think they liked it so much because I would bring snacks for them all the time too. One of my students told me if he didn’t know what time it was he would look around to see if I was eating. He told me he could tell time by my stomach. I told him I would take that statement as a compliment.

            Now, nearly everyone around me asks when I can eat, and what I can eat. It makes me happy that everyone is helping me out with this. For the most part no one is trying to sabotage me. I know that everyone wants me to succeed with this, so they have all started planning their days around my eating schedule. I think if they’ve already done that, they might as well get a meal plan of their own! 

Wanna go clothes shopping?

            My favorite problem with losing weight is that none of my clothes fit! It’s pretty awesome. Every six weeks or so, I have to buy smaller clothes. The only down side of that is the money I have to spend. Right now, I don’t buy very expensive items and I usually buy everything on clearance since I won’t wear them for very long. I would love to shop at Plato’s Closet since they have good prices, but they make you feel stupid for being in their store. So, I go to regular stores and shop on the clearance rack, because I’m not buying from a store that makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong for being in their store.

            It is an awesome feeling when you get a shirt a size smaller, or pants a size smaller. I’ve always had the good fortune to be with good friends when I’ve had to buy smaller sizes, and I can tell them the good news immediately. On my birthday I was out shopping with Janelle and Ashley and put on a pair of jeans 4 sizes smaller than my old ones. When they fit perfectly, I called them both and made them come to the dressing room to see. Then I called my mom, Kelly, and Ashley (a different one) to tell them the good news.

            There is one thing that I don’t keep buying when I need to and that’s a belt. I don’t wear belts as accessories. I wear belts to keep my pants up, so I only need one. I also don’t want to spend the money on new belts. I finally bought a new one about six months ago, because the belt I was wearing was wrapped nearly all the around my waist two times. Do you know why I could do that? Because I was carving holes in the leather every time it was too big. After the seventh or so hole I made in that belt I decided it was time to get a smaller belt. I now have made about four or five holes in that belt too.

            This is how it happens; I’m getting ready for work in the morning and I put on my belt. I notice it’s too big, and I’m in a hurry so I need a quick fix. The only thing I can think to do that early in the morning is to grab a knife or scissors and start carving away at the belt to make a new hole. I repeat this cycle every other week.

            I like this little ritual I have with making new holes in the belt. It helps me visualize my progress. Like, here are all the original holes that I can’t use and here are the holes I created to make the belt fit. I might have to always keep a belt that’s a little too big. That way, I might always feel skinnier than I really am! 

Pull-ups

           Picture this; you’re at the gym and the typical meat head guys are there bragging how much they can lift, squat, bench, etc, etc. Then picture Janelle, a tiny petite girl, jumping up to a bar and doing 17-20 pull-ups. It is funny to watch the faces of the meat heads when this happens. They all get a little quieter, and I swear you can see their muscles deflate a little. Then they all start bragging about how many pull-ups they can do and trying to challenge each other. It’s pretty funny.


           I can’t do pull-ups. I want to do pull-ups, but I still need to lose some weight. From time to time I try to do one. I’ve not yet been successful, but it’s getting better. The first time I tried, my arms didn’t bend at all. I was trying really hard, but only my neck stretched higher. Janelle was cracking up and said it looked like a turtle coming out of its shell.

            Now when I try to do a pull-up my elbows bend a little tiny bit. I think I look less like a turtle, but now I’m kicking my feet like crazy, almost like it’s going to help push me closer to the bar.

Evolution of my pull-ups

For now, I just do my pull-ups and chin-ups on some machine thing and I can use some counter weights to make easier. It’s getting easier each time and I’m using less and less weight each time to help me. I’ll keep you all updated on my pull-up status. I know that I will do pull-ups on my own someday, and that will be a fun day. 

Knockers

            Remember when Myspace was cool? Before teenagers took it over? Before everyone was super concerned about privacy settings? This is a quick story of why I made my profile private and to lead into this blog….

            I received a Myspace email message from some creepy guy. I’ll try to type it verbatim since I remember it to this day. The message said, “DDDaaaaaaammmmmnnnnnnn…..look at them tig ol’ biddies!” Most people would be offended, appalled, even terrified. I was none of those things. Instead, I thought, “I know. They are huge. Thanks for reminding me,” as I was blocking this guy and finding the privacy settings for my profile. I told my buddy, Joe, about it and we still laugh about it today.

Not the Myspace picture in question,
and Jake really took this picture on purpose!
December 2009

            “Knockers” is a nick name I picked up on Junior High, for obvious reasons. That name has stuck with me since that time. The same group of friends that called me that when we were kids still call me that today, but sometimes it is shortened to “Knocks”. The name has never bothered me, but now that I’m losing all of this weight, I’m hoping the nick name will not be so accurate.

            Most women say they lose weight in their chests first. I was excited about that, but it didn’t happen for me. I would tell Janelle that something was wrong because they weren’t shrinking like everyone said they would! In fact, Kelly kept telling me that they were looking bigger as my waist was getting smaller. I thought I was going to be stuck with all those D’s forever.

           

            Out of no where one morning, I realized I had lost a D. I won’t tell you how I came to this realization, but it was like Christmas morning. I was so excited that I had to tell someone. I busted into the gym that day and I think it was the first thing I told Janelle about. I don’t really remember the conversation, but I’m sure she was a little freaked out by my crazy remarks about a shrinking chest. (I say a lot of things that freak out Janelle. I think she is learning to handle my odd stories and foul mouth.) It was a huge moment for me. At that point none of the other weight loss mattered, because my chest was officially shrinking, and that was a huge personal victory.

            Just the other day, Kelly, was in my laundry room. She grabbed a bra off the dryer and said, “Really, we’re still wearing bras this big?” Then she put in on her head like a bonnet. I told her that no one has done that in a long time; not for about 5 or 6 years when my friend, Ash, and I were living together. She would often do “bra bonnet” to make everyone laugh, and it was really funny. As big as Kelly thought that bra was, it was actually a size smaller than last year.

            The first picture Zach saw of me was from my sister’s wedding. According to Janelle, he was like, “Oh my…they’re taking over the picture,” and they were. They are getting smaller and I couldn’t be happier!

Janelle's show
October 2010

Sister's wedding
June 2009

Overall, I would just like to have a bra size that has only one letter in it. Some of my male friends think I’m insane for that goal, but they really have no clue. I tell them to haul them around for a day; then they’ll understand.

Wow, people like me!

         So, I'm new to this blogging stuff, and I'm trying to figure it all out. This awesome girl, Shannie, gave me an award. How exciting. Anyway, it is the Stylish Blogger Award. I'm supposed to list 7 facts about myself, but I'm not sure I'm going to do that and here's why...


        My intention for this blog is to only talk about weight loss and the things I have thought about through this whole process. Don't get me wrong, I think it's awesome that Shannie thinks my blog is worth reading. I want everyone to read my blog! Also, another awesome girl, Elle, also did the same thing the other day, but when she did gave me this award, I had no clue what was going on! 


        I really just wanted to thank these girls for taking the time to read what I have to say and passing it on to other readers. They both have great blogs too. If you get time click their names and check out what they have to say. Thanks to everyone else that reads this too! Tell everyone! 

My shoes are too big! Did my feet lose weight?!

          So, I put on a pair of heels the other month, and they were too big. I looked like a little kid playing dress up with my Mom’s shoes. They were flopping off my feet with every step. I was in a hurry at the time, so I was shoving bits of tissue and toilet paper into the shoes to make them a little snugger. As I was doing this I was thinking, “Oh my god, my feet lost weight. I have to buy more shoes.” Then I smiled, because I love shoe shopping.

            I didn’t really think that my feet could shrink, but they did. I also didn’t expect that I would get shorter. Really, I didn’t think it was possible for me to get any shorter. I used to be right around 5’3”, but now I’m lucky to make it to 5’2 ½”! I know that doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you’re short, every ¼ of an inch counts! I’m starting to think that the extra height was in my fat feet! I mean, I used to think the tops of my feet looked fat, but the bottom of my feet? That’s just crazy.

 I saw a show that showed how the fat guy from Varsity Blues had a gastric bypass. He lost over half his body weight, and he shrank around 2 inches. They said he lost fat from the bottom of his feet and the top of his head. I just can’t believe he had 2 inches of fat in the bottom of his feet and top of his head. Is that happening to me too? I wonder if I have head fat to lose. Am I going to get even shorter? Oh geeze, I hope not. 

Compliments

            I love to have all of the attention, but on my own terms! I love to be the center of attention when I know everyone in the room and when I’m bringing the attention to myself. I love it when everything revolves around me, but I have to be in charge of those things too! On the other hand, I get really shy and quiet when someone else brings the attention to me! I’m sure some people can’t believe that at all, but it’s true.

            With any weight loss, come compliments. Obviously, the compliments are supposed to be encouraging, supportive, happy, and motivational. I like the compliments and that people have noticed the change, but sometimes I have no idea what to say and if there are people around that I don’t know it makes me want to hide.

            I have also received some compliments that make me laugh to myself. It’s clear to me that people want to say something nice, but sometimes they don’t know what to say and it ends up like a compliment with jagged edges. Here’s a list of some of the odd compliments I’ve gotten from friends, coworkers, strangers, etc…

1. “Wow, you look great. You have shape.”
2. “I can really tell now, because your face isn’t fat.”
3. “Wow, I’m so proud of you. Do you think it will last?”
4. “It’s working now, but I hope you’re body doesn’t get used to it [the meal plan] and just starts gaining again. I’m sure you’ll be ok though.”
5. “I didn’t know you had a waist.”
6. “I think you look great, but I miss drinking with you.”
7. “So, when can you have a beer?”

So, I know that those compliments aren’t meant to hurt me, but sometimes the come out wrong. So, here are some of the nice comments I get too.

1. “You look flippin’ amazing.”
2. “You are shrinking! You look fantastic.”
3. “Amazing.”
4. “I’m speechless; you look awesome.”

Overall, I appreciate all of the compliments that I receive. Sometimes they just catch me off guard, and sometimes I just don’t know what to say. I usually just say thank you. I wonder what would happen if I just started agreeing with everyone when they gave me a compliment.

Random person: “Wow, you look great!”

Me: “I know, right?”

Oh, the things you hear at the gym, part 1.

         That’s right; I’m already naming this as part 1, because I know there is more material for this than I could possibly write at one time. So, at the gym you see all kinds of people and hear all kinds of conversations. Now, most of the conversations you hear are about working out, diets, and what works or doesn’t work. Basically, I’m going to list some of the awesome tid bits I’ve heard over the past few years. These handy tid bits also come from employees talking to members and members talking to members.

*** CAUTION: DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THIS ADVICE, IT’S AWFUL!***

1. You can eat ANYTHING you want as long as you drink a glass of water when you are done. (Ok, I just have to make it known that an employee was saying that to a member. I have to tell you that because when Janelle told Zach he was like, “No, you’re lying. No one is that stupid. No one would believe that.” He refused to believe someone would say that.)
2. You can never rest once you start working out, because you don’t burn calories unless you are sweating. 
3. Get your heart rate high and don’t let it drop. If it doesn’t stay high, you might as well not even work out.
4. Apparently, when learning to do squats, it is best to have someone stand behind you in a squatted position and then you squat into their lap. That is so you can feel how low to go. “Just keep squatting, until your butt and thighs touch the top of my thighs.” Yea, that guy doesn’t work at the gym anymore. I wonder why?
5. A great way to work out your legs and butt is to bend over, grab your ankles, and bounce your butt up and down. That was the advice from the guy in number 4 too. Pervert.
6. The key to weight loss is not lifting heavy weights, but lifting light weights while in awkward positions. This way the muscles are confused and it makes them “fire” faster. (Ok, that was on E! New, but it was too good to not share.)
7. Never, ever, ever work out two days in a row. Even if you are working on different body parts from one day to the next, it’s no good. You have to rest for a day, or maybe two, between every workout.
8. Only eat 20 carbs for whole week and do this every week. 

*** AGAIN, FOLLOW NONE OF THIS ADVICE. IT CAME FROM PEOPLE WHO  HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT!*** 

Can someone please block shows about weight loss and obesity from my tv?

           I don’t watch the Biggest Loser and not because I think it’s a bad show. I’m sure it’s a great show, but it’s not grotesque enough for me. I’m too busy watching TLC, Discovery, Style, A&E, WE, E!, and Oxygen. They have some of the most addicting, disgusting, jaw dropping shows about weight loss, morbid obesity, and food addiction that I have ever seen. It wouldn’t be such a big deal for me to watch them, but I get paranoid that I’m going to end up like the people on the show, grossed out, or mad while I’m watching them and start calling people to tell them about what I’m watching! Kelly and Janelle have both threatened to do a Parental Blocks on those channels if I don’t get myself under control!

            I am so fascinated by these shows with titles like, One Ton Mom, 600 Pound Virgin, Worlds Fattest Man, and Half Ton Teen. I can’t even tell you why they’re so engaging. I guess it’s that the people on these shows say so many crazy things to justify how they look, what they eat, why they can’t lose weight, or how they know they are losing weight.

For example, one man had a gastric bypass after a wall had to be removed from his house to get him out. He refused to change what he ate, but did try to eat smaller portions. He said that it doesn’t matter what you eat because he can’t lose weight because obesity is genetic. So he said there was no need to eat salad and veggies. According to him soda pop and chips were just as good for him, and tastier, than the salads and veggies.

Another show I watched was about the world’s largest woman. She was nearly 1000 pounds. She was confined to a bed, but said that she was still healthy because she was able to pull herself to a seated position. She said she still felt beautiful, would wear makeup daily, and tried to give herself daily sponge baths. She was also so large that she could not wear clothes. She wore king size silk sheets and said that she knew she was sexy no matter what she was wearing. Her children would hold mirrors around her body so she could check on her sores and weeping skin. She actually died due to complications from a gastric bypass.

There are so many more I could tell you about too, but I’m going to spare you. I have a love hate relationship with these kinds of shows. I can’t stop watching. I never watched any of these shows until last year. I guess what I really want to know is how they got that big. When you get so big that you can’t move, who brings your food to you and why do they bring all that food? I guess I’m fascinated by other people’s weight loss stories and struggles, but I’m totally developing a problem. There is a new show starting on A&E called Heavy. It hasn’t even started yet, but I can’t stop talking about it. Based on what I’ve seen on the commercials it’s right up my ally, and I’m going to be hooked. I hope by the time I reach my goal weight I will be past this current obsession. If not, I’m going to have to cancel my cable! 

Going to the gym and being a stop on the tour.

“Hello…no, I’m at the gym…..ok….can I call you later?” I feel like that conversation has replaced another conversation I used to have a lot, “hello….no, I’m at the bar…ok…can I call you later?” Obviously the gym is no bar, but it’s not a bad replacement, and I get to go with Janelle and Ashley so I have people to talk while I’m there. Also, I think you should know that I do go 5 or 6 days a week, every week, no fail. I’m only telling you that so you’ll feel in awe of my dedication. :) 

Honestly, going to the gym is not that bad. Some days it can be difficult to find the motivation to get there, but knowing that I’m going there to meet up with other people makes it easier. Also, knowing that I get to “people watch” when I get there is motivational as well.

There have been some odd encounters at the gym though. When I first started going with Janelle, we were doing some crazy ab workout. We were on some crazy thing like 8 sets of hyper oblique uppy downy something or other. You would think I would know what we were doing since I do this stuff all the time, but I still have juvenile names and descriptions for most exercises and machines. 

Anyway, this lady wearing khaki walking shorts, iron on flower t-shirt, and fanny pack walks over to me and tells me that I’ve been using this particular piece of equipment for a long time. I think she was working undercover as a gym cop or something, and making sure no one used the equipment for too long. Oh yea, she was also drinking a can of Pepsi from a straw. I don’t really know what I said back to her, but I probably told her that I would be done soon if she needed to use it. I remember her asking what I was even doing, and then she took a long drink from her straw. I do remember pointing to Janelle who was across the gym and telling her that I was working out with a friend and I was doing a workout that was designed for her, but wouldn’t hurt for me to do it too. This part I do remember, because she looked in the direction of Janelle and then said to me, “Oh, you can’t do the same workout as her! Look at her; she can do so much more than you can! You shouldn’t be doing that much. You’re going to get hurt! You’re trying too hard!” Now, I almost flew into a rage, but kept it together and told her that I would be just fine, but what I really wanted to say was, “Listen here lady; you’re dressed like you’re going bird watching and drinking an effing Pepsi from a straw, at the gym! I’m not taking advice from anyone who drinks pop at the gym. You could have at least brought a diet Pepsi.” A few minutes later she told me that I had inspired her to do 4 sets of everything instead of 3 sets, and I’ve never seen her since that day. Maybe she’s been bird watching.

Another memorable moment at the gym was with Janelle when we were doing a shoulder workout. We were in a tiny corner of the gym and the place was nearly deserted. We were almost done with our workout and doing lateral raises where we held weights in our hands and held our arms out for 30 seconds at a time. As we were starting, we heard one of the employees coming by with a potential member. The employee came over to where we were standing and told the potential member that the little area, “is used for ab exercises and there is great equipment here to use.” Then the employee and potential member looked at Janelle and I, and we were just standing there, each of looking like a lower case t, holding perfectly still, staring at the clock, and having a pleasant conversation. The employee had this totally confused look on her face, and then said, “well, or it can be used for whatever it is these girls are doing.” When they were out of earshot, we both almost died laughing.

More recently, I thought I heard a gym employee talking about me to potential members. These girls were kind of heavy and they were they kind of girls that wear pajama pants, tight tank tops with clever sayings, and crocs to the gym; the kind of girls that I can’t stop staring at, because I’m trying to figure out if they looked in a mirror before they left the house. Anyway, these girls keep looking at me so I’m assuming that they know that I keep watching them. Then I noticed that the employee keeps gesturing toward me. I decided to figure out what they were all doing, so I turned down my iPod and pretended to work out near them. That’s when I realized what was going on, and they were talking about me! I heard the employee say, “And that girl over there has lost 100 pounds in less than a year from working out here!” I nearly fell on the floor. I thought, “Whoa lady, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but not quite 100 pounds!” I knew then that I had officially become a stop on the gym tour and a selling point for new members. Maybe they should give me a free membership because I’m apparently bringing them new business.

I really haven’t had many encounters that were bad, but a lot of people want to give you advice or tell you that you’re doing something wrong. Usually, I just smile and nod at those people and thank them for the advice. Of course I curse under my breath when they walk away, but I have come to the conclusion that everyone thinks they are a personal trainer and everyone thinks they are a nutritionist. Sometimes I will let people know that I’m happy to hear their thoughts and concerns, but that I’ve found something that works for me, and that’s what I’m sticking to. I tell them if what they say works for them, then wonderful. The same thing is not going to work for everyone. Why do you think we have all of those crazy diets?