Irritation!

I was struggling to find something to write about today. I thought I was just going to give up. I had nothing to talk about pertaining to working out and losing weight. Then I went to the gym. I was all excited to do a million pull ups today (I have to tell you that I'm being sarcastic, because you can't see the look on my face) then I saw Hat Guy.

Ordinarily, Hat Guy is a source of entertainment, but today he was a source of irritation. I don't know why, but he was more annoying today than he's ever been. I think he was more vulgar too. That might be it. He was really saying nasty things today, and talking about football like he's an expert, and....and being really freaking loud!

I told Janelle that we had to go to the ladies side because I had to get away from him. I was sure I was going to fight him if I had to listen to him anymore. Actually, I think I said, "I'm having visions of going off on Hat Guy. I might get in a fight. Do you think I'd win?"

We went to the ladies side, but it didn't help. The wall doesn't go all the way up and I could still hear him. Janelle just looked at my face and started laughing. I couldn't help it, I started mocking him really loudly. I HOPE he heard me. I was so irritated.

I do have to say though, it was good workout. I think I was channeling all my rage into my workout. You know, since I couldn't really fight Hat Guy.

My very own non-scientific study.....for the day.

Today was a mess of a day. Very long story short, I ended up sitting in a teacher's lounge for 2.5 hours doing work and trying to keep myself busy.

In this lounge there is a pop machine and a vending machine. Staff and teachers wandered in and out the whole time grabbing snacks from the machines. At first I thought nothing of it, but after a few women came in and stopped to talk to me I started paying more attention to what they were saying. None of the women really wanted to talk to me about anything I was doing, they just wanted to justify why they were getting snacks.

I started paying attention to what they were saying. Here's a few examples of what I heard:

"It's not like I really need a snack. I'm just stressed today."

"I don't always do this. It's just a nasty day outside."

"I know I was just in here to get a cookie, but that just didn't do the trick....ohhh Mr. Goodbar! That should do the trick."

A few of the women asked if I wanted them to buy something that I could eat. I told them all thanks, but no thanks. Of course they kept asking. I told them I eat on a schedule. They would ask why I would do that. I told them that it helps me stay accountable.

I did notice that guys were totally different. When they came in they just said hey and got what they needed and left. They also only got sodas. They didn't even go to the vending machine. There was no justification for wanting a soda. They just got what they needed and rolled out.

The women were at the pop machine and the vending machine. They were working really hard to convince me and themselves that it was ok for them to be eating animal crackers, Hersey bars, brownies, Honey Buns (the frosted kind!), and other random junk.

I just thought it was interesting that there was so much justification going on in there. I bet they were all thinking they were going to sneak in and get some junky goodness from the vending machine and no one was ever going to know....but then they saw me working in there and they needed an excuse for being there.

I should have yelled, "I caught you and I'm telling everyone that you eat brownies out of vending machines! You will never convince anyone that you are healthy!" That would have been awesome. I bet a lot of women would have been super pissed off at me.

I'm sore and it's your fault!

I was going to post about my weekend, but then I heard this at the gym today....

First, let me try to set the scene for you.

Janelle and I were walking out of the gym and to do that we have to go through the lobby area where the "sales" people sit.

One of our favorite (I wish you could see the sarcasm in the word favorite) "sales" people was sitting at his desk with a 2 liter of Diet Mountain Dew and a 12 pack of ramen noodles. He usually has a little foam dart gun too, but I'm not sure where that was today.

Anyway, he was on the phone so we only heard one side of the conversation, but you could totally tell what the person was saying.

Sales guy, "Well who worked you out?" Stops to listen. "Well no, that's normal. You might even be sore for a few more days. You did a good workout."

So the gist of the conversation was someone wondering why they were sore from working out.

I mean, who goes to the gym, works out, and then calls to complain because they are sore? Weirdos.

Janelle had to go back and do a second workout today too. I went for a little bit, but I couldn't stay very long. Janelle calls me after she leaves to tell me that the same sales guy was giving her "advice" on preparing for her upcoming competition.

He was telling her to that she needs to build more muscle by eating half a chicken breast every hour. Then proceeded to pull a poster out of his desk to show her. The post was of a male body builder.

Janelle was like, "Well, he's a body builder and a man. I'm a girl and I do figure."

What a strange day at the gym. I'm sorry that I missed that conversation today. I probably would have laughed uncontrollably.

I don't understand "all you can eat"

            I used to love restaurants with the “all you can eat…unlimited refills…buffet…unlimited trips to the salad bar” advertisements. I’m not going to lie, I used to love those restaurants, but now I’ve moved into a new realm of thinking.

            I know it’s a marketing ploy to get people into the restaurants, but with all the emphasis on being healthy why would the restaurant do this? I know that every answer leads back to profits and sales, but I would like a different response. Every day on the news you hear more and more about obesity and health related problems due to weight. Then you see commercials for restaurants offering healthy options, low cal menu items, and then they throw it in there that they have all you can eat deals! It just drives me crazy!

            I don’t eat at restaurants very often these days so I shouldn’t really care, but I do. That’s just me. I think I get a little jealous of people that can go out for big, huge, giant, calorie full dinners and they don’t gain a like 3 pounds immediately after! I would gain 3 pounds after eating a huge dinner! My dinner is always my smallest meal so going out to dinner is nearly impossible.

            This has really just been a rant and has no real purpose. I just saw a commercial for Denny’s about their $4 unlimited pancakes and they are 24 hours, so you can get them all times of day and night! My first thought was, “Damn, I want pancakes,” then it switched to, “Who could eat that many pancakes?”

That kid is clearly shorter than the sneeze guard.

            Also, on a kind of related note, I hate buffets and salad bars, and it has nothing to do with having all that food at my disposal. I hate buffets and salad bars because kids are shorter than the sneeze guard. They have small, dirty hands that touch all the food and whenever you see a short kid at a buffet they always manage to sneeze all over the food! Ewww…it just creeps me out and makes me feel dirty! 

Did you really just justify that?

           A few days ago I went to the gym a little early in hopes that I would be able to get in a few minutes of tanning. Well, I was wrong. When I walked back to the changing area which is also the tanning waiting area it was packed with people who clearly were only there to tan.

            I decided to just go change and do some extra cardio. So I went into one of the changing stalls and realized that was the first time during the day I had a chance to sit down. I decided to sit and chill for a few minutes and that’s when I heard some fantastic conversations.

            The first one came from a group of ladies waiting to tan. Simply enough they were talking about how they wish there was more time in the day to workout. I was very confused by this conversation. I wanted to go over there and say, “Excuse me, but you’re in a gym. You obviously pay for a membership here. Instead of sitting here for 30 or more minutes waiting to tan why don’t you go walk on the treadmill?” Obviously, I just sat there in my little stall staring at the wall with a look on confusion. I’m pretty good at thinking horrible things, but most of the time I can keep those thoughts to myself. I was in shock that some would say something like that in a gym, but more shocked that the other people waiting were agreeing with it!

            Then they started talking about what they were going to eat for dinner and a different lady that was over there started talking about how she’s been really good lately and she thinks she deserves dessert after dinner. That’s cool; I guess, but she was talking about how she made a pie and brownies because she couldn’t decide what dessert she wanted, and was probably going to eat both. Ok, that’s just friggin’ overkill. Come on now! Really??? Pie and brownies? Maybe some of that time you spent making desserts could have been better spent at the gym. I know I shouldn’t care what these ladies do with their time, but I don’t want to hear about it. The gym is an awful place to have conversations about eating dessert and wanting to workout but never finding the time. To me, you just look silly.

            The other conversation I overheard is not really a weight loss conversation, but a phone conversation that really got my blood boiling. So a woman was changing in the next stall and she was on the phone. (Side note: our gym has a no cell phone policy. There are signs posted all over the place. No one pays attention to the signs. They are there so the other members don’t have to be bothered by other people chatting it up on the phone while at the gym. I wish this lady would have followed the sign.)  So I’m gathering that this lady was talking to her child because she was asking about games, conditioning, practice, and fees. Anyway, here is what I heard.

Lady on the phone: “Well wasn’t the last game last night?” (pause) “What do you mean conditioning starts tomorrow?” (pause) “No basketball is over.” (pause) “So baseball conditioning starts tomorrow?” (pause) “I don’t have time for this sh*t. I have a life too.” (pause) “Well, I just don’t even know. How much is this sh*t gonna cost me?” (pause) “Well, we’re gonna have to talk this over. Don’t expect me to come to all of these games too. I have to workout. I’m hanging up.”

            Ok, I’m going to omit my thoughts about this lady’s parenting skills, but what flippin’ message are you sending to your kid? I’m glad that you think it’s important to workout, but you need to pass that same message to your kids. At least this lady’s kid wants to play sports. Let him! Encourage him! Don’t let him develop lazy, unhealthy habits and become an obese adult! I really, really wanted to say a few words to this lady, but I just glared at her when we both walked out of the stalls.

            So, the gym is never a dull place. There is always something going on. After I heard those conversations I was frustrated for a multitude of reasons, so I tried to channel all of my frustration into my workout. I think it worked because I was wiped out after I left the gym. I still wanted to tan, but I figured I would snap if I had to sit, wait, and listen to people whine about wishing they had time to workout!

Hey man, where's your hat?

             So, I wrote a blog, Hey man, nice hat, about his dude at the gym that always wears his cool hat and talks super loud! He used to annoy the crap out of Janelle, Ashley, and I, but now I hope he’s at the gym because his stories bring hours of entertainment. Yesterday at the gym was one of the best! Let me give you a few updates about “Hat Guy” before I tell you the joy he brought me yesterday at the gym.

             He said in the past that he always wears his hat because it would be like leaving the house without his pants on. No joke. He compared forgetting his hat to forgetting his pants. Well, lately he’s not been wearing the hat, but he’s managed to wear pants. Thank God. I thought he might be bald, but he does have a full head of hair.

It's like forgetting to put my pants on. 

Also he’s been wearing a different kind of muscle tee. He’s been wearing the kinds that are cut really far into the chest to show off his pecks. Well, he’s been doing that to show off his pierced nipples. I think they may be recently pierced. I have actually not seen the piercing. It was actually made known to me by Janelle via text message on a day when we could not all get to the gym at the same time. I was still at work and I nearly fell out of my chair when I read the text.

Just imagine a less buff
guy  with more peck and
nipple ring hanging out.

Ok, now you’re caught up on “Hat Guy”. Yesterday we were at the gym at our usual Saturday time and there are typically only older guys there at that time. These aren’t just any old guys though. These are guys that have been going to the gym longer than I’ve been alive and they are still pretty buff for old dudes.

First he was talking about going to bars with “Ladies Night” and making a “killin’ pickin’ up the chicks”. Ok, this guy looks like Ken Jennings, but only a little buffer. I think Ken has a better chance at pickin’ up the hoes than Hat Guy.

Ken Jennings, 74 time Jeopardy! champ,
or Hat Guy from the gym?

            Hat guy was talking about what he eats for breakfast. Please keep in mind that he was on the other side of the gym from us; roughly half a football field and we could hear him perfectly. He’s a super loud talker. For breakfast he has a bowl of fruit and 2 protein shakes; not 1, but 2 protein shakes. It’s very important that you know and so does everyone else that he has 2 protein shakes.

            Then he started talking about other gyms in the area. He started talking about a gym that is a racquetball gym and also has a bar. He said, “You know people that play racquetball, they like to drink. I could never get into racquetball. Who wants to hit a ball into a wall anyway? I went because I enjoy a cold beer after a workout.” Yea, he probably drinks his beer with his protein shakes. Weirdo. Then he said, “When I think of racquetball I think of Olivia Newton John and shit; all wearing leg warmers and shit.” This other dude looked at him and was like, “Why are you talking about Olivia Newton John?” I almost fell over I was laughing so hard.

Why do you know so much about
 Olivia and her leg warmers, Hat Guy?

            He still wasn’t done talking about gyms though. After that he said he was an old Gym Rat at Gold’s Gym and World Gym. Yea right! How does he have time to go to all of these gyms? He has now mentioned 3 different gyms, but is currently working out at a 4^th. Gym memberships are expensive. I just don’t think he can afford it. He is almost always at the gym when we are and that’s a lot. How does he have time to make it to the racquetball gym, Gold’s and World? They are all pretty far apart too. I think he must draw unemployment because he seems to have a lot of time on his hands, and I think he drives from gym to gym all day pretending to work out!

Hat Guy, shown above with
the blue dumbbells is the more
common, small breed of gym rat.

            This guy is annoying, but it’s also the entertaining kind of annoying. The people around him roll their eyes when he talks, but he remains oblivious. It’s honestly entertaining. I look forward for him being there when I am! 

Hey man, nice hat.

Ok, anyone who spends any amount of time at a co-ed gym has seen a ton of crazy things and crazy people. I could write a book just about the crazy people I encounter at the gym, but a short blog will have to do for now and focusing on one guy will have to do as well.

So, let my try to paint a picture of this guy for you. You’ve all seen a guy like this. In a nut shell, he can be described as having “short man syndrome”. This guy is short; probably around 5'5”. He is fairly muscular, but not as muscular as he thinks he is. He only works his upper body and not his lower body. He has little chicken legs. He wears muscle tanks that are too big and walks with his upper body puffed up. My sister likes to call it “invisible lat syndrome”. He also wears a knit snow cap all the time, but as silly as I think he looks, it’s not just his appearance and hat that annoy me. 

He is the loudest, most obnoxious dude in the gym. He is always trying to give out workout advice, but not even in a nice way. He has that mentality that he knows everything and you know nothing. Most of his advice is unsolicited as well.

One day he was telling another guy, who was twice the size he was and clearly this guy knew what he was doing, but this tiny guy really wanted to give him “advice”. He was telling him, loudly, to eat Kobe Beef because it’s a white meat cow, but the stores don’t tell you that. He then was telling this same guy that his form was off, and he needed to use lighter weights. Another time he told a group of very obviously fit guys that you can’t work out 2 days in a row because the blood won’t go to the muscles you just worked out.

Those situations are so funny because this guy has no clue what he’s talking about. He was giving advice to guys that had more knowledge on lifting than he does. It’s also so funny because this guy stands around giving out unwanted advice, but never seems to lift a weight. He stands near a lot of weights, but never seems to use them.

I think my favorite thing about this guy was when we heard him talking about his hat that he always wears. It was obvious that the guy who asked him was making fun of him and asked why he always wears the hat. He responded in a very matter-of-fact way, “I wear this hat everywhere. It would be like leaving the house without my pants on!” Janelle looked at me and really quietly and slowly said back to me, “without…his…pants…on.” We both just laughed and I’ve got news for that guy; forgetting your hat and forgetting your pants are two very different things.

I just can’t believe how loud he talks. He wants everyone to hear him. He wants to be knowledgeable, but he’s not. He’s also not very nice around Janelle and I; probably because we can lift more than him.

There are other guys like him, but he’s the worst one we’ve come across. There are other guys that are loud and talk about inappropriate things, but this guy takes the cake. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the gym has come across a guy like this. Maybe other people don’t notice these things, but I’m a people watcher. I’m constantly checking my surroundings and the gym is an awesome place to watch all kinds of people. 

Going to the gym and being a stop on the tour.

“Hello…no, I’m at the gym…..ok….can I call you later?” I feel like that conversation has replaced another conversation I used to have a lot, “hello….no, I’m at the bar…ok…can I call you later?” Obviously the gym is no bar, but it’s not a bad replacement, and I get to go with Janelle and Ashley so I have people to talk while I’m there. Also, I think you should know that I do go 5 or 6 days a week, every week, no fail. I’m only telling you that so you’ll feel in awe of my dedication. :) 

Honestly, going to the gym is not that bad. Some days it can be difficult to find the motivation to get there, but knowing that I’m going there to meet up with other people makes it easier. Also, knowing that I get to “people watch” when I get there is motivational as well.

There have been some odd encounters at the gym though. When I first started going with Janelle, we were doing some crazy ab workout. We were on some crazy thing like 8 sets of hyper oblique uppy downy something or other. You would think I would know what we were doing since I do this stuff all the time, but I still have juvenile names and descriptions for most exercises and machines. 

Anyway, this lady wearing khaki walking shorts, iron on flower t-shirt, and fanny pack walks over to me and tells me that I’ve been using this particular piece of equipment for a long time. I think she was working undercover as a gym cop or something, and making sure no one used the equipment for too long. Oh yea, she was also drinking a can of Pepsi from a straw. I don’t really know what I said back to her, but I probably told her that I would be done soon if she needed to use it. I remember her asking what I was even doing, and then she took a long drink from her straw. I do remember pointing to Janelle who was across the gym and telling her that I was working out with a friend and I was doing a workout that was designed for her, but wouldn’t hurt for me to do it too. This part I do remember, because she looked in the direction of Janelle and then said to me, “Oh, you can’t do the same workout as her! Look at her; she can do so much more than you can! You shouldn’t be doing that much. You’re going to get hurt! You’re trying too hard!” Now, I almost flew into a rage, but kept it together and told her that I would be just fine, but what I really wanted to say was, “Listen here lady; you’re dressed like you’re going bird watching and drinking an effing Pepsi from a straw, at the gym! I’m not taking advice from anyone who drinks pop at the gym. You could have at least brought a diet Pepsi.” A few minutes later she told me that I had inspired her to do 4 sets of everything instead of 3 sets, and I’ve never seen her since that day. Maybe she’s been bird watching.

Another memorable moment at the gym was with Janelle when we were doing a shoulder workout. We were in a tiny corner of the gym and the place was nearly deserted. We were almost done with our workout and doing lateral raises where we held weights in our hands and held our arms out for 30 seconds at a time. As we were starting, we heard one of the employees coming by with a potential member. The employee came over to where we were standing and told the potential member that the little area, “is used for ab exercises and there is great equipment here to use.” Then the employee and potential member looked at Janelle and I, and we were just standing there, each of looking like a lower case t, holding perfectly still, staring at the clock, and having a pleasant conversation. The employee had this totally confused look on her face, and then said, “well, or it can be used for whatever it is these girls are doing.” When they were out of earshot, we both almost died laughing.

More recently, I thought I heard a gym employee talking about me to potential members. These girls were kind of heavy and they were they kind of girls that wear pajama pants, tight tank tops with clever sayings, and crocs to the gym; the kind of girls that I can’t stop staring at, because I’m trying to figure out if they looked in a mirror before they left the house. Anyway, these girls keep looking at me so I’m assuming that they know that I keep watching them. Then I noticed that the employee keeps gesturing toward me. I decided to figure out what they were all doing, so I turned down my iPod and pretended to work out near them. That’s when I realized what was going on, and they were talking about me! I heard the employee say, “And that girl over there has lost 100 pounds in less than a year from working out here!” I nearly fell on the floor. I thought, “Whoa lady, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but not quite 100 pounds!” I knew then that I had officially become a stop on the gym tour and a selling point for new members. Maybe they should give me a free membership because I’m apparently bringing them new business.

I really haven’t had many encounters that were bad, but a lot of people want to give you advice or tell you that you’re doing something wrong. Usually, I just smile and nod at those people and thank them for the advice. Of course I curse under my breath when they walk away, but I have come to the conclusion that everyone thinks they are a personal trainer and everyone thinks they are a nutritionist. Sometimes I will let people know that I’m happy to hear their thoughts and concerns, but that I’ve found something that works for me, and that’s what I’m sticking to. I tell them if what they say works for them, then wonderful. The same thing is not going to work for everyone. Why do you think we have all of those crazy diets?