Irritation!

I was struggling to find something to write about today. I thought I was just going to give up. I had nothing to talk about pertaining to working out and losing weight. Then I went to the gym. I was all excited to do a million pull ups today (I have to tell you that I'm being sarcastic, because you can't see the look on my face) then I saw Hat Guy.

Ordinarily, Hat Guy is a source of entertainment, but today he was a source of irritation. I don't know why, but he was more annoying today than he's ever been. I think he was more vulgar too. That might be it. He was really saying nasty things today, and talking about football like he's an expert, and....and being really freaking loud!

I told Janelle that we had to go to the ladies side because I had to get away from him. I was sure I was going to fight him if I had to listen to him anymore. Actually, I think I said, "I'm having visions of going off on Hat Guy. I might get in a fight. Do you think I'd win?"

We went to the ladies side, but it didn't help. The wall doesn't go all the way up and I could still hear him. Janelle just looked at my face and started laughing. I couldn't help it, I started mocking him really loudly. I HOPE he heard me. I was so irritated.

I do have to say though, it was good workout. I think I was channeling all my rage into my workout. You know, since I couldn't really fight Hat Guy.

The workout funk is gone!

My workout funk is over and it has nothing to do with me actually working out, it has to do with....Hat Guy. I often mention Hat Guy, and if you have no clue who he is you can read about him here, here, and here. I know I have mentioned him more, but those posts were specifically about the joy he brings me when I'm working out.

Thank you Hat Guy for being at the gym yesterday. I have not been in the best workout mood lately and it's been a real chore to do anything. Yesterday was no exception.

Janelle and I were actually able to get to the gym at the same time and we had to workout on the coed side because of the equipment we needed.

Hat Guy was out there too and he was just as I expect him to be....loud and obnoxious. He over compensates for everything he does because he's so short. I mean, he's tiny. He's a short guy. He has worked hard to bulk himself up, but only he upper body. His legs are teeny tiny. He talks loud and I mean LOUD. He wants everyone to hear everything he has to say. I used to get super annoyed by him, but then I realized that everything he says is totally rediculious and Janelle and I just laugh at everything he says. Yesterday was no exception.

I don't totally even know how to describe his antics from yesterday. There were a few people that were talking with him and, of course, he was yelling his responses back. (I mean, they were 2 feet away from each other....the only reason to be that loud is to make sure everyone hears you!)

Basically, here's some of what Janelle and I heard.

"Yea man, you can tag along with me when I'm working out. I'll show you how to workout. If you can keep up, you can tag along."

"When do I workout? Whenever man. I have parameters that I stay between, but whatever do in that time is what I do. I mix it up. I do singles, I do all over, I do what I do You've gotta have parameters."

When someone asked about how he learned the best way to workout and the best way to plan workouts he responded, "To understand, you gotta not understand, ya know?"

He continued to talk about the art of understanding by not understanding (that sounds like some ancient Chinese wisdom right there!) and said, "I tried to follow the rules of working out, but coloring inside the lines didn't get me no where!"

He then started to refer back to the guy who wants to "tag along" and see his workouts, "Yea, like that guy who wants to tag along. He can, but he's asking for routine. I don't have routine. I have parameters. I told him, give me two weeks, two weeks of insanity!"

Ok, here are some more random quotes from him:

"I call it ad libbin," in reference to making up workouts.

"Yea, that guy said he never sees me workout my legs. I do my legs everyday. I just do it fast because I hate legs. Open your eyes man, pay attention. I do it everyday."

"The cortisol and testerone don't like each other. They butt heads." This was in reference to lifting and doing cardio in one day and in what order you should complete them. You also have to bump fists with yourself when saying this.

Anyway, it probably seems totally mean that I get joy from the crazy things this guy says, but he makes a complete spectacle of himself. I used to get really annoyed and angry whenever he was around. Now I just laugh. He is completely rediculious......and short.....shorter than me!

Hey man, where's your hat?

             So, I wrote a blog, Hey man, nice hat, about his dude at the gym that always wears his cool hat and talks super loud! He used to annoy the crap out of Janelle, Ashley, and I, but now I hope he’s at the gym because his stories bring hours of entertainment. Yesterday at the gym was one of the best! Let me give you a few updates about “Hat Guy” before I tell you the joy he brought me yesterday at the gym.

             He said in the past that he always wears his hat because it would be like leaving the house without his pants on. No joke. He compared forgetting his hat to forgetting his pants. Well, lately he’s not been wearing the hat, but he’s managed to wear pants. Thank God. I thought he might be bald, but he does have a full head of hair.

It's like forgetting to put my pants on. 

Also he’s been wearing a different kind of muscle tee. He’s been wearing the kinds that are cut really far into the chest to show off his pecks. Well, he’s been doing that to show off his pierced nipples. I think they may be recently pierced. I have actually not seen the piercing. It was actually made known to me by Janelle via text message on a day when we could not all get to the gym at the same time. I was still at work and I nearly fell out of my chair when I read the text.

Just imagine a less buff
guy  with more peck and
nipple ring hanging out.

Ok, now you’re caught up on “Hat Guy”. Yesterday we were at the gym at our usual Saturday time and there are typically only older guys there at that time. These aren’t just any old guys though. These are guys that have been going to the gym longer than I’ve been alive and they are still pretty buff for old dudes.

First he was talking about going to bars with “Ladies Night” and making a “killin’ pickin’ up the chicks”. Ok, this guy looks like Ken Jennings, but only a little buffer. I think Ken has a better chance at pickin’ up the hoes than Hat Guy.

Ken Jennings, 74 time Jeopardy! champ,
or Hat Guy from the gym?

            Hat guy was talking about what he eats for breakfast. Please keep in mind that he was on the other side of the gym from us; roughly half a football field and we could hear him perfectly. He’s a super loud talker. For breakfast he has a bowl of fruit and 2 protein shakes; not 1, but 2 protein shakes. It’s very important that you know and so does everyone else that he has 2 protein shakes.

            Then he started talking about other gyms in the area. He started talking about a gym that is a racquetball gym and also has a bar. He said, “You know people that play racquetball, they like to drink. I could never get into racquetball. Who wants to hit a ball into a wall anyway? I went because I enjoy a cold beer after a workout.” Yea, he probably drinks his beer with his protein shakes. Weirdo. Then he said, “When I think of racquetball I think of Olivia Newton John and shit; all wearing leg warmers and shit.” This other dude looked at him and was like, “Why are you talking about Olivia Newton John?” I almost fell over I was laughing so hard.

Why do you know so much about
 Olivia and her leg warmers, Hat Guy?

            He still wasn’t done talking about gyms though. After that he said he was an old Gym Rat at Gold’s Gym and World Gym. Yea right! How does he have time to go to all of these gyms? He has now mentioned 3 different gyms, but is currently working out at a 4^th. Gym memberships are expensive. I just don’t think he can afford it. He is almost always at the gym when we are and that’s a lot. How does he have time to make it to the racquetball gym, Gold’s and World? They are all pretty far apart too. I think he must draw unemployment because he seems to have a lot of time on his hands, and I think he drives from gym to gym all day pretending to work out!

Hat Guy, shown above with
the blue dumbbells is the more
common, small breed of gym rat.

            This guy is annoying, but it’s also the entertaining kind of annoying. The people around him roll their eyes when he talks, but he remains oblivious. It’s honestly entertaining. I look forward for him being there when I am! 

Hey man, nice hat.

Ok, anyone who spends any amount of time at a co-ed gym has seen a ton of crazy things and crazy people. I could write a book just about the crazy people I encounter at the gym, but a short blog will have to do for now and focusing on one guy will have to do as well.

So, let my try to paint a picture of this guy for you. You’ve all seen a guy like this. In a nut shell, he can be described as having “short man syndrome”. This guy is short; probably around 5'5”. He is fairly muscular, but not as muscular as he thinks he is. He only works his upper body and not his lower body. He has little chicken legs. He wears muscle tanks that are too big and walks with his upper body puffed up. My sister likes to call it “invisible lat syndrome”. He also wears a knit snow cap all the time, but as silly as I think he looks, it’s not just his appearance and hat that annoy me. 

He is the loudest, most obnoxious dude in the gym. He is always trying to give out workout advice, but not even in a nice way. He has that mentality that he knows everything and you know nothing. Most of his advice is unsolicited as well.

One day he was telling another guy, who was twice the size he was and clearly this guy knew what he was doing, but this tiny guy really wanted to give him “advice”. He was telling him, loudly, to eat Kobe Beef because it’s a white meat cow, but the stores don’t tell you that. He then was telling this same guy that his form was off, and he needed to use lighter weights. Another time he told a group of very obviously fit guys that you can’t work out 2 days in a row because the blood won’t go to the muscles you just worked out.

Those situations are so funny because this guy has no clue what he’s talking about. He was giving advice to guys that had more knowledge on lifting than he does. It’s also so funny because this guy stands around giving out unwanted advice, but never seems to lift a weight. He stands near a lot of weights, but never seems to use them.

I think my favorite thing about this guy was when we heard him talking about his hat that he always wears. It was obvious that the guy who asked him was making fun of him and asked why he always wears the hat. He responded in a very matter-of-fact way, “I wear this hat everywhere. It would be like leaving the house without my pants on!” Janelle looked at me and really quietly and slowly said back to me, “without…his…pants…on.” We both just laughed and I’ve got news for that guy; forgetting your hat and forgetting your pants are two very different things.

I just can’t believe how loud he talks. He wants everyone to hear him. He wants to be knowledgeable, but he’s not. He’s also not very nice around Janelle and I; probably because we can lift more than him.

There are other guys like him, but he’s the worst one we’ve come across. There are other guys that are loud and talk about inappropriate things, but this guy takes the cake. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in the gym has come across a guy like this. Maybe other people don’t notice these things, but I’m a people watcher. I’m constantly checking my surroundings and the gym is an awesome place to watch all kinds of people.