Sunday, February 20, 2011

Hey man, where's your hat?

             So, I wrote a blog, Hey man, nice hat, about his dude at the gym that always wears his cool hat and talks super loud! He used to annoy the crap out of Janelle, Ashley, and I, but now I hope he’s at the gym because his stories bring hours of entertainment. Yesterday at the gym was one of the best! Let me give you a few updates about “Hat Guy” before I tell you the joy he brought me yesterday at the gym.

             He said in the past that he always wears his hat because it would be like leaving the house without his pants on. No joke. He compared forgetting his hat to forgetting his pants. Well, lately he’s not been wearing the hat, but he’s managed to wear pants. Thank God. I thought he might be bald, but he does have a full head of hair.

It's like forgetting to put my pants on. 
Also he’s been wearing a different kind of muscle tee. He’s been wearing the kinds that are cut really far into the chest to show off his pecks. Well, he’s been doing that to show off his pierced nipples. I think they may be recently pierced. I have actually not seen the piercing. It was actually made known to me by Janelle via text message on a day when we could not all get to the gym at the same time. I was still at work and I nearly fell out of my chair when I read the text.

Just imagine a less buff
guy  with more peck and
nipple ring hanging out.

Ok, now you’re caught up on “Hat Guy”. Yesterday we were at the gym at our usual Saturday time and there are typically only older guys there at that time. These aren’t just any old guys though. These are guys that have been going to the gym longer than I’ve been alive and they are still pretty buff for old dudes.

First he was talking about going to bars with “Ladies Night” and making a “killin’ pickin’ up the chicks”. Ok, this guy looks like Ken Jennings, but only a little buffer. I think Ken has a better chance at pickin’ up the hoes than Hat Guy.

Ken Jennings, 74 time Jeopardy! champ,
or Hat Guy from the gym?

            Hat guy was talking about what he eats for breakfast. Please keep in mind that he was on the other side of the gym from us; roughly half a football field and we could hear him perfectly. He’s a super loud talker. For breakfast he has a bowl of fruit and 2 protein shakes; not 1, but 2 protein shakes. It’s very important that you know and so does everyone else that he has 2 protein shakes.

            Then he started talking about other gyms in the area. He started talking about a gym that is a racquetball gym and also has a bar. He said, “You know people that play racquetball, they like to drink. I could never get into racquetball. Who wants to hit a ball into a wall anyway? I went because I enjoy a cold beer after a workout.” Yea, he probably drinks his beer with his protein shakes. Weirdo. Then he said, “When I think of racquetball I think of Olivia Newton John and shit; all wearing leg warmers and shit.” This other dude looked at him and was like, “Why are you talking about Olivia Newton John?” I almost fell over I was laughing so hard.

Why do you know so much about
 Olivia and her leg warmers, Hat Guy?

            He still wasn’t done talking about gyms though. After that he said he was an old Gym Rat at Gold’s Gym and World Gym. Yea right! How does he have time to go to all of these gyms? He has now mentioned 3 different gyms, but is currently working out at a 4th. Gym memberships are expensive. I just don’t think he can afford it. He is almost always at the gym when we are and that’s a lot. How does he have time to make it to the racquetball gym, Gold’s and World? They are all pretty far apart too. I think he must draw unemployment because he seems to have a lot of time on his hands, and I think he drives from gym to gym all day pretending to work out!

Hat Guy, shown above with
the blue dumbbells is the more
common, small breed of gym rat.
            This guy is annoying, but it’s also the entertaining kind of annoying. The people around him roll their eyes when he talks, but he remains oblivious. It’s honestly entertaining. I look forward for him being there when I am! 


  1. LOL thanks for this laugh omg. He probably drinks it with his protein He sounds like he doesn't have a life outside the gym. He is probably just looking to make friends of something. I think racquetball sounds like fun, I would do it!

  2. That was seriously funny. Can you imagine having to be around this guy all the time though??? Obviously he is a very lonely man with too much time on his hands to annoy everyone. Crazy stuff. I work with a woman who says dumb stuff all the time (very loudly) and it drives me bonkers. And I'm talking hillybilly, racist stuff too, which I simply have to call her on.'s so draining.

  3. OMG this post is hilarious!! I even had to go back to see how you first described Hat Guy!! I'm looking forward to any future stories about Hat Guy. Too bad there's no one that entertaining at my local gym.