Thinking

Lately I've been not obsessed with losing weight. I am still doing my own thing with the meal plans and workouts and Zach and Janelle, and all that, but I had a strange thought the other day....


That thought was: I think I'm happy. I think I'm happy with my weight. I think I'm happy with how I look. I think I'm just happy. 


Now, that might be strange for some of you. I'm sure you're happy people. I've just spent so much of my life being unhappy with my appearance. I was never really vocal about it. I was more just in my head about it. I would have very negative thoughts about how I looked and how I felt, but I never had a damn clue how to fix it. 


I am very happy these days. I still want to get to my goal, but I think I've hit a level where I'm OK with where I'm at right now. If everything stopped right here, right now I would be ok and happy. 


I said the other week that I have 29 pounds till my goal and I still want to get there. It is important to me to meet a goal and I will meet that goal. I also want to have some skin removed, eventually. I used to obsess over that too, but in the past few weeks it has seemed less important. 


So, with all this happy talk aside, here's what makes me nervous: Now that I am "happy" will I lose my motivation? Am I going to start slacking off? I've been really busy the past few weeks and it has been a really big task to get my 5 or 6 workouts in each week. I've still managed to make it happen, but I've been having thoughts like, "Oh, I'll just go tomorrow or I'll get there later." I've pushed those thoughts aside and still done what needs to be done but what happens on the day that I believe my sabotage thoughts?


I'm also worried that all this happiness will lead to bad food decisions! I've had a few beers and drinks here and there over the past few weeks. I've been responsible about it and counted my calories and what-not, but I'm worried that I'm going to relax too much!


So, I know everyone strives to be happy, but I feel like I need to stay in state of panic and paranoia so I can stay focused!

Everything is running together, and a funny story.

My blog posts have been all over the place lately. I have been really busy and I think of things I want to write about, but then I just smash a bunch of nonsense into one blog and I'm sure I confuse everyone.

Anyway, today is Janelle's show. I talk about how Janelle competes in figure. I never really know how to describe it, but it's not body building. Anyway, here is the picture from last year.

Monster Mash 2010.
By the way, the only part of my outfit that
still fits are the shoes....awesome.

Today and tonight I know I will take a ton of pictures so I will have a bunch of stuff to post.

I have been taking a bunch of pictures lately. I do need to post them. I will find time to do that soon...I promise. I don't even have time to be doing this now. I have to get ready for work!

FUNNY STORY!

I went out the other night and I realized that I had to eat.....you know the whole eating every 3 hours thing. I was like 9:45 PM and I was at a bar, I knew I was going to be out for at least another 3 hours, so I decided to have a beer. It really doesn't happen very often.

So, I look at the bartender after he asks if I need anything and I say, "Yea Ryan, just a Miller Lite."

He looked at me and then my friends and said, "I thought you were in AA or something because I haven't seen you drink in soooo long."

"No Ryan, remember the whole losing weight thing? What did you think I was doing?"

"I don't know, Sarah! I just know you haven't come in here and ordered a drink a long ass time."

I really couldn't stop laughing. Then another guy comes over to talk. I didn't meet this guy until after I started meal plans and losing weight. He is forever trying to get me to have a drink. I decline every offer. Anyway, he comes over and is chatting with us and I finally look at him and say, "Hey, Rob, you notice anything?"

He looks at me for a second and I reach for my beer. When he sees that I'm picking the beer up he freaks out. He starts saying, "No way. No way. This isn't happening. I need a picture. No, really. A picture."

Then he made my friend take pictures of him and I holding beers. Actually he was telling me to point to my beer so everyone would know that it was mine. He told me he would probably never see it happen again and now he had photo evidence.

I was hoping he would post the pic on FB so I could steal it and post it here, but no such luck yet....and I look really cute in my pic too!

Going to the gym and being a stop on the tour.

“Hello…no, I’m at the gym…..ok….can I call you later?” I feel like that conversation has replaced another conversation I used to have a lot, “hello….no, I’m at the bar…ok…can I call you later?” Obviously the gym is no bar, but it’s not a bad replacement, and I get to go with Janelle and Ashley so I have people to talk while I’m there. Also, I think you should know that I do go 5 or 6 days a week, every week, no fail. I’m only telling you that so you’ll feel in awe of my dedication. :) 

Honestly, going to the gym is not that bad. Some days it can be difficult to find the motivation to get there, but knowing that I’m going there to meet up with other people makes it easier. Also, knowing that I get to “people watch” when I get there is motivational as well.

There have been some odd encounters at the gym though. When I first started going with Janelle, we were doing some crazy ab workout. We were on some crazy thing like 8 sets of hyper oblique uppy downy something or other. You would think I would know what we were doing since I do this stuff all the time, but I still have juvenile names and descriptions for most exercises and machines. 

Anyway, this lady wearing khaki walking shorts, iron on flower t-shirt, and fanny pack walks over to me and tells me that I’ve been using this particular piece of equipment for a long time. I think she was working undercover as a gym cop or something, and making sure no one used the equipment for too long. Oh yea, she was also drinking a can of Pepsi from a straw. I don’t really know what I said back to her, but I probably told her that I would be done soon if she needed to use it. I remember her asking what I was even doing, and then she took a long drink from her straw. I do remember pointing to Janelle who was across the gym and telling her that I was working out with a friend and I was doing a workout that was designed for her, but wouldn’t hurt for me to do it too. This part I do remember, because she looked in the direction of Janelle and then said to me, “Oh, you can’t do the same workout as her! Look at her; she can do so much more than you can! You shouldn’t be doing that much. You’re going to get hurt! You’re trying too hard!” Now, I almost flew into a rage, but kept it together and told her that I would be just fine, but what I really wanted to say was, “Listen here lady; you’re dressed like you’re going bird watching and drinking an effing Pepsi from a straw, at the gym! I’m not taking advice from anyone who drinks pop at the gym. You could have at least brought a diet Pepsi.” A few minutes later she told me that I had inspired her to do 4 sets of everything instead of 3 sets, and I’ve never seen her since that day. Maybe she’s been bird watching.

Another memorable moment at the gym was with Janelle when we were doing a shoulder workout. We were in a tiny corner of the gym and the place was nearly deserted. We were almost done with our workout and doing lateral raises where we held weights in our hands and held our arms out for 30 seconds at a time. As we were starting, we heard one of the employees coming by with a potential member. The employee came over to where we were standing and told the potential member that the little area, “is used for ab exercises and there is great equipment here to use.” Then the employee and potential member looked at Janelle and I, and we were just standing there, each of looking like a lower case t, holding perfectly still, staring at the clock, and having a pleasant conversation. The employee had this totally confused look on her face, and then said, “well, or it can be used for whatever it is these girls are doing.” When they were out of earshot, we both almost died laughing.

More recently, I thought I heard a gym employee talking about me to potential members. These girls were kind of heavy and they were they kind of girls that wear pajama pants, tight tank tops with clever sayings, and crocs to the gym; the kind of girls that I can’t stop staring at, because I’m trying to figure out if they looked in a mirror before they left the house. Anyway, these girls keep looking at me so I’m assuming that they know that I keep watching them. Then I noticed that the employee keeps gesturing toward me. I decided to figure out what they were all doing, so I turned down my iPod and pretended to work out near them. That’s when I realized what was going on, and they were talking about me! I heard the employee say, “And that girl over there has lost 100 pounds in less than a year from working out here!” I nearly fell on the floor. I thought, “Whoa lady, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but not quite 100 pounds!” I knew then that I had officially become a stop on the gym tour and a selling point for new members. Maybe they should give me a free membership because I’m apparently bringing them new business.

I really haven’t had many encounters that were bad, but a lot of people want to give you advice or tell you that you’re doing something wrong. Usually, I just smile and nod at those people and thank them for the advice. Of course I curse under my breath when they walk away, but I have come to the conclusion that everyone thinks they are a personal trainer and everyone thinks they are a nutritionist. Sometimes I will let people know that I’m happy to hear their thoughts and concerns, but that I’ve found something that works for me, and that’s what I’m sticking to. I tell them if what they say works for them, then wonderful. The same thing is not going to work for everyone. Why do you think we have all of those crazy diets?

You mean there are calories in alcohol?

Yup, it’s true. Alcohol is chalk full of calories. I was in denial and that’s why it was so hard to adjust. I begged, I pleaded, I tried to bargain with Zach and Janelle and they weren’t having it. If I wanted to drink, I had to count the calories as part of my meal and I had to wait until it was time to have a meal! I told them that I just didn’t know if I could do that. What would I do if someone called and wanted to get a beer? What would I do if I had a bad day and wanted to have some cocktails to make myself feel better? I even told them that they didn’t understand because they don’t drink. Yea, none of that had any effect on them. They stuck to their guns, if I wanted to drink, I HAD TO COUNT THE CALORIES AND I HAD TO MAKE IT PART OF MY MEALS! I think I pouted like a 4 year old and told them something like, “well, I’ll try, but I’m not making any promises.” They just smiled and told me that it would be fine. Looking back, I probably made myself look like a raging drunk by having that hissy fit about alcohol, but that was nothing compared to the hissy fit I had at my apartment when I realized I was going to have leave the cream out of my coffee. I mean, I can adjust to the alcohol thing, but now my coffee? I thought I was going to cry. For the record, I’ve been ok with the whole counting alcohol calories and black coffee is pretty damn good.