Lately I've been not obsessed with losing weight. I am still doing my own thing with the meal plans and workouts and Zach and Janelle, and all that, but I had a strange thought the other day....
That thought was: I think I'm happy. I think I'm happy with my weight. I think I'm happy with how I look. I think I'm just happy.
Now, that might be strange for some of you. I'm sure you're happy people. I've just spent so much of my life being unhappy with my appearance. I was never really vocal about it. I was more just in my head about it. I would have very negative thoughts about how I looked and how I felt, but I never had a damn clue how to fix it.
I am very happy these days. I still want to get to my goal, but I think I've hit a level where I'm OK with where I'm at right now. If everything stopped right here, right now I would be ok and happy.
I said the other week that I have 29 pounds till my goal and I still want to get there. It is important to me to meet a goal and I will meet that goal. I also want to have some skin removed, eventually. I used to obsess over that too, but in the past few weeks it has seemed less important.
So, with all this happy talk aside, here's what makes me nervous: Now that I am "happy" will I lose my motivation? Am I going to start slacking off? I've been really busy the past few weeks and it has been a really big task to get my 5 or 6 workouts in each week. I've still managed to make it happen, but I've been having thoughts like, "Oh, I'll just go tomorrow or I'll get there later." I've pushed those thoughts aside and still done what needs to be done but what happens on the day that I believe my sabotage thoughts?
I'm also worried that all this happiness will lead to bad food decisions! I've had a few beers and drinks here and there over the past few weeks. I've been responsible about it and counted my calories and what-not, but I'm worried that I'm going to relax too much!
So, I know everyone strives to be happy, but I feel like I need to stay in state of panic and paranoia so I can stay focused!