Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Dear Gym, you never disappoint me.

I love my gym. Ok, I love that my gym is a hot mess and full of people that are a hot mess. (I wonder how many people at the gym look at me and think I'm a hot mess?)

Yesterday was no exception. The odd ladies were out in full force. I think it might be the weather. I wish I had pictures of what I saw, but I just can't make myself take pictures of random people and try to make it look like I'm, I will have to paint a picture with words. I hope you all have excellent imaginations like mine. 

I didn't have my regular workout yet, so I was doing 60 minutes of cardio instead. I will do my regular workout today, my off 

I found a treadmill in the back of the room, on the ladies side of course, because I don't have to worry about any dudes looking at me while I'm all nasty and working my butt off. All of the ladies I saw apparently thought they were going to running into more hot men while they were at the gym...but they all stayed on the ladies side. There is an entire co-ed side where they could do cardio too. 

All of these girls were what Janelle and I like to call "skinny fat". These girls were all thin, but there was no definition to them at all. Even for skinny girls, they looked a little flabby. They were all very weak too and they all had no clue what they were doing. 

The first 2 girls I saw were on the bikes, then the elliptical, then next to me on the treadmill. Here's the best part; they stayed on each machine for 5 minutes and never even exerted any energy. 

Here's the other best part about them; their clothes. One was wearing a t-shirt that was airbrushed and said, "Jesus is Lord". That's cool, I can get behind that, but her pants were sending a different message. They were Victoria's Secret stretch pants that had "sexy" spelled out in rhinestones across her butt. I was very confused by the message she was sending. Her hair and makeup were also over the top. She kept walking by the mirrors to check that everything was still in place. 

Her friend was wearing regular stretch pants, but she was wearing a long sleeve cardigan, like a teacher cardigan. Her hair and makeup were also a little bit too much for the gym!

The next girl I saw was wearing a skin tight long sleeve t-shirt. It looked a little too small. Her hair and makeup were also a little too overdone for the gym. She had 2 other accessories though, a towel and a bandanna. The bandanna was rolled up and tied around her head in the style of Brett Michaels. I was wondering what her towel was for...

Now, she looked more like she was getting ready to shoot a porno than workout. She jumped on that elliptical and it looked more like she was having sex (sorry if that's too graphic) than working out at the gym. And the towel...oh geeze, she kept seductively, and I mean seductively wiping her face and neck with it. She kept throwing her head was just crazy. It's even difficult to describe. 

The next girl that came in and jumped on the elliptical could not stop adjusting her clothes. She was just annoying me. I just wanted to tell her that her pants wouldn't keep rolling down like they were if she bought a bigger size. Her hair was not as impeccable as the other girls, but it was still more than I've ever done with my hair when I run to the gym. 

The last girl that walked in probably had the most amazing hair. It was brown, blonde, red, purple, and blue. She had is like half pulled back and the rest was hanging down in her face. She was wearing a camisole, but it was 90% lace. It was more like half of a lingerie set! She was wearing really tiny shorts too. 

When she started on the elliptical I nearly fell off the treadmill. It looked like she was on a stair stepper. I thought she was going to throw out a hip! I also wanted to tell her that was a stair stepper next to me! She could just use that!

I don't know what was going on in there yesterday! I think these girls all thought they were going to see a lot more men than they did. I also stared to question my gym attire and appearance! I look like hell when I get to the gym, even if I'm coming from work. I throw my hair back and I bet my makeup looks awful by that time in the afternoon! If I was worried about how I looked at the gym, I would probably still be almost 100 pounds heavier!


  1. I love people watching. It is so much more interesting/amusing/entertaining than any tv programme.

  2. Love this post! I am a people watcher too.. and now want to go hang at the gym just to see who's there! LOL

  3. People watching is extremely entertaining. I always workout harder when someone is working out right next to me (competitive?)

    I need to join an official gym after this summer when I move out of my apartment complex :) this makes me look forward to it.

  4. See thats why I don't go to a gym LOL I don't get why people have to get all dolled up to go work out? I'd end up laughing the whole time I was there and not get a good work out in!

  5. I wish I went to your gym! It sounds so entertaining! I'd probably end up actually working out regularly just because of all the characters there!

  6. hahahahahahaahahaahahaha that is too funny!!! You have such great story telling abilities!! :D

  7. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I wanna go there!!

  8. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    The Jesus shirt and the sexy pants... the teacher cardigan! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Have a pretty day!

  9. O.M.G. are we from the same area - this sounds SO much like people you see in our Walmart after 10:00 at night!!! LOL!!! Ummm, clearly you don't fit in there, doesn't it feel awkward? It might be time to invest in some more "hillbilly style" workout outfits! :)

  10. I love the people watching! In fact, it reminds me that I need to go to the gym...

  11. I almost just peed my pants! I read this story to our nurses tonight and they're all cracking up! :)