Monday, October 3, 2011

Working up the nerve.

Total side note.....I'm not able to post comments to anyone. Well, it's let me do a few. I'm not ignoring you, blogger just hates me.

So, long story short; mom brought home pictures from Nebraska. Her and her brothers and sisters were splitting Grandma's photo albums. Yesterday I saw some pictures that I haven't seen in a while taken from 5 or more years ago.

Some of the pictures are from when we were kids, when my mom was a kid, when my mom and dad were younger with no kids, etc, etc.

Then I see one picture that nearly made me vomit; me from December 2006. At first I put it aside really fast, then I picked it up again and just stared at it. I was huge. Ok, huge is an understatement.

It made me realize that I had lost a little weight before I really started trying to lose weight almost 2 years ago. I know what I weighed in January of 2010 because I was forced onto a scale. I don't know what I weighed in December of 2006 because there was no way I was getting on a scale. I can just look at that picture thouhg and I know I weighed more in 2006 than I did in the beginning of 2010.

I almost drove over to show Janelle and Zach at that exact moment. I did drive to Kelly's to show her. The picture is of my grandma and I sitting on a love seat. I look like I can barely sit on the damn thing. I think that's what I yelled at Kelly and her husband too. I think I said, "Look at this shit. I can barely sit on that effing couch. How disgusting." Her husband was cracking up.

Then I took a picture of the picture with my phone and sent it to Janelle. Her and Zach looked at it and were in shock as well. Zach said I could use the sweater I'm wearing as a blanket now. I totally agree.

I will post the picture, because it is a good comparison photo. I just have to scan it and work up the nerve to post it. It is shocking! To me, it is more dramatic than any other picture I have posted. I just have to come to terms with the photo. The only way it could have possibly been worse was if I was sitting at the table eating!

Anyway, bod pod tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm always excited for bod pods. I'll post the results tomorrow or Wednesday.


  1. I'm always conflicted when I see pictures like that. First instinct is to push it away and say "OMG burn that sh*t" but then I stop and say "but thats still who I was, its still me.. just a weaker me and I shouldn't hate it"... its like someone else saying "You used to be HUGE!!" after you lost the weight.. it still feels offensive and insulting.. its conflicting.

  2. You should post it and brag of how far you have come =) I keep reading your blog and telling myself see it takes time, but it works if I stick with it I will lose the weight too!

  3. I absolutely agree with B.H. post that sob and brag about how amazing you are now! I know how you feel though. I often see photos and im like "wtf..why? why did i not see that back then?"

    btw, not to be creepy, but i've decided if we lived in the same area we would totally be friends. you crack me up!

  4. High fiver to BH!! Totally agree!! Post it and be like, yeah that WAS me... but now this IS me. What what?!?! Or keep it for yourself. Something to be proud of, how far you really have come and how much you have changed!

  5. Comment trouble, make sure when you log in that the box that says keep me signed in is not checked. When it is checked it won't let me comment.

  6. I have a picture like that too. I have never posted it. But I do keep it on my nightstand, framed to remind me that 289 is NEVER where I want to be again.

  7. I have a couple of horrible photos, well before I became aware of the monstrous amount of weight I had gained. I know how much I weighed at my highest and I was much smaller than those photos. I cringe but it's a great reminder of what I can achieve. I'm impressed that you shared it, I keep mine in a box where only I will ever look at them!

  8. That's exactly how I felt when I saw a photo from 2009--I was HORRIFIED and I actually wouldn't show anyone for a long time. Now it's become my official "before" photo.

    The good news is, you look fantastic now, so posting the pic will only show how far you've come!