I was going to call this my One Year Bloggy Spectacular, but I couldn't really come up with anything too spectacular......I was hoping for glitter and balloons, but that's hard to pass on through a computer.
Today I have officially "blogging" for one year. It also means that I have been following meal plans for two years. It's hard to remember two years ago.
When I started following meal plans I was really unhappy with my job. I was in an awful position and I worked for awful people. (I almost hope that by some chance some of them have seen or heard about my blog and are reading it now. Yea, you know who you are....you terrible AOD assholes....that's for everyone except 2 people who worked there and they know who they are.) Anyway, it was one of those jobs where you are afraid to do anything because your uneducated boss is always threatening your job if you don't do what they want, even if it's unethical and in some cases against the law. (Wow, that's more than I've ever said about any of my work on this blog.)
Anyway, I think when I did start the meal plan it was a way for me to take control of something. I felt like I had no control and counting calories and eating at specific times gave me something to focus on.
I decided I wanted to start a blog after about 6 months of following meal plans, but I wanted to wait until I was losing weight for a year. I'm not sure why it had to be a year, but I just felt like I had to prove to myself that I could follow meal plans and workout schedules. I didn't want to just start a blog and make no progress.
Last year when I started this I had a whole year of weight loss and progress to show for myself. Now, a year later, I have even more weight loss and progress to show for myself.
I've been thinking a lot for the past week about me and what I've done in the past 2 years. Some people tell me that I seem like a different person. I shrug my shoulders and tell them that I'm exactly the same; I just look different. My personality has not changed, but my thoughts about food and food choice have changed. My morals, ethics, goals, etc...have not changed, but how I choose to spend my time has changed....a little. I like to go to the gym, but I still like to go to coffee shops, I still like to hang out with friends, and I still like to go to the bar....I just choose to not drink (right now).
Overall, I'm still the same. I think now I'm just more willing to tell people what is on my mind. I'm still protective of my feelings. It's still hard to get to know me, because I don't make it easy. I don't like anyone when I first meet them, but I typically like everyone after I spend a little time with them, and if I don't like you, you'll know. I'll tell anyone anything about me, they just have to know to ask. These are things that have been true about me for as long as I can remember. Weight loss or not, that's just me.
Honestly, I'm a good, caring person and I know that. I always have been. I just seem scary; I'm really not. Don't get me wrong though....I'm politically incorrect when I speak, I make vulgar jokes, I use inappropriate language, I talk too loud, I laugh too loud, and I hate it when people tell me to smile.
So, those are some of the things I've been thinking about and wondering if I could see how people think I'm different. I was really analyzing my behaviors and I came to the conclusion that my personality is in tact like it always has been. I know losing over 110 pounds on your own is a big thing and a lot of people probably would re-evaluate what they've been doing with their lives after that. For me, if I was going to re-evaluate my personality or my life I would have done (and I did do it) after a bunch of other true life changing things that happened to me in my earlier 20s.
There is one thing I've noticed and that would be that I do feel slightly more confident, but I still want to disappear into the background in a room full of people I don't know. I don't have tip top confidence and I'm pretty sure I never will. I will always be a little leery of my looks and my style, but I think that's just natural. I guess we'll all know if I do have 100% confidence because I'll just walk around in a bikini everywhere I go and my blog posts will be pictures of me in bikinis with captions asking everyone to notice how good I look.
I really think that people want me to be different because I look different, but that shit's just not gonna happen.
I am gonna man up and post my Bod Pods. I think after two years of weigh loss I can suck it up and admit how much I did weigh, since I will never weight that much again.