Ok, so I've been wanted to write about some of this stuff for a while, but I was feeling like it was too off topic of this blog. Then I realized that I don't care and I can still spin this to deal with losing weight. Sweet. Please note though, that this will be chalk full of foul language and probably pretty long, but I swear you will laugh.
Anyway, I am a single gal. I've been single for longer than I would like to admit at this point, but I do enjoy my freedom. Lately I've been getting hit on by the fellas more and more and I really attribute it to the weight loss. I do like the attention, but it's from all the wrong people! Some days it bothers me that I'm getting this extra attention, but that's an entirely different blog...
What I would like to tell you about are some of the jacked up things that men say to me while trying to hit on me. I'm telling you though, I have a warped sense of humor and I'm not easily offended. I just chalk a bunch of this crap up to, "it could only happen to me."
A few months ago, I met up with a friend at a bar pretty late at night. Long story short, this guy starts talking to us and then introduces me to his friend. This guy's friend was really shy, so I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because it was painfully obvious that he wanted to talk to me, but he would hardly speak to me. (Ok dude, you wanted to talk to me....so talk.) Here's how most of this went. I'm leaving out a lot of the conversation, because I can sum up how creepy it is from this little snippet.
Me: So, what do you do?
Him: I work in Columbus.
Him: (no response, just staring...then finally) I watched you walk in here tonight.
Him: Do you hang out anywhere else in town?
Him: I've seen you at BDubs.
Me: Oh yea?
Him: I've watched you there.
Me: (frantically looking around for somewhere to hide)
Him: Do you live around here? Where do you live?
Me: Um yea....(followed by an excuse to get the hell away from him)
Another interesting encounter happened in the middle of a Monday afternoon while I was out on my lunch break at the drug store. I'm not even lying, everyone I've told this story to has laughed so hard that they've begged me to stop talking because they just don't think they can possibly hear anymore.
I had to go to the store because I had to get some girl products. I run into the store and the guy wearing red pj pants (jammy pants) totally hones in on me when I walk in the door. I'm sorry, but he was total white trash. It is really just my personal opinion that you should not wear jammy pants out in public. Put on some damn pants!
I run back and grab what I need and as I'm walking back to the front of the store, he walks out in front of me (jammy pants and all) and starts looking me up and down. Then he sees a box of tampons that I'm holding and says, "Well, I guess I should wait until next week to ask you out," and smiles at me.
I was so shocked by the whole thing that I just kinda laughed and stepped around him, paid for my stuff, and ran out of the store. I was in shock for the rest of the day. I really wanted to hit him, but it would have been quite another situation to call my principal and tell her I couldn't come back to work because I was arrested for assault. That guy was a d-bag, but it really makes for a good story now.
Finally, the most vulgar story of the day. (I'm really not trying to offend anyone. These are really things that happen to me. It's just another day in the life of Sarah.)
I run into this guy all over the place. We're really just casual acquaintances, but we talk, laugh, and have a good time when we run into each other.
I was sitting on the patio of a bar with my good friend, Kat. He walks outside and walks over to the OPPOSITE side of the patio. He sees us and says, "Oooohhhh.....hey ladies."
Both of us respond, "Hey."
He YELLS at ME, "SARAH....YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I F*CK IT!" No joke! I couldn't make that up if I tried.
My response, "OH! NO!"
So, there are so many more stories, those are seriously just the hi-lights. Maybe another day I'll tell you about the 21 who told me he was into older women. I'm only 28 and that nearly made me cry that he called me an "older woman". None of these things really bother me. I'm pretty laid back and what-not. It takes a lot to offend me.
Maybe someday I'll tell a few more of the twisted encounters I have.