Good-bye old friend....

The first item I ever bought from 31.
I'm pretty sure this spurred an
expensive addiction!

I'm sure you all opened this thinking that someone near and dear to me has moved on or passed away. In a way I did lose someone near and dear to me, it's just not a person....it's my lunch bag. 


I have been using the same lunch bag for about 2 years now. It is a 31 bag and it has been amazing. I used that bad boy faithfully. I mean, I eat on a schedule. I pack food everywhere I go. When I go to work I take at least 2 or 3 meals with me; depending on how long I have to work. This bag has been amazing. I've put a lot of miles on it, and now I have to get a new one. 


The thought occurred to me this morning, when I was grabbing it to throw my food in, that this lunch bag was looking pretty raggedy. I looked at the bottom and all the white dots are turning off white and the corners are starting to tear. Then I looked inside and the foil looking part used for a liner is starting to tear apart. There are big exposed parts and the exposed parts used to be white, but now they are slightly discolored. I also noticed a funky smell today..... 

I was so tired of telling people that I
wasn't on a diet that I had it put on my
lunch bag!

I'm pretty sad about losing my dear lunch bag. I'm most sad about it because it had the wonderful saying "Not a Diet" embroidered on it. My lunch bag and that saying are really what spurred the title to this blog and a lot of good conversations. People would look at it and say, "Sarah, why the hell does that lunch box say not a diet...." Many good conversations were started that way. 


I don't think I'm going to buy another personalized lunch bag. I'll just get attached (because it will be awesome) and it will wear out and I will have to throw it out and buy a new one. I'll just be too sad. I think I'm going to go to the store and just buy a generic one. I sound like a baby right now, but I love my lunch bag! 

So close....

Maybe this happens with some of you as well....

Lately I feel like I'm falling off the wagon. I'm not really falling off the wagon, but I'm struggling to stick to my plan and workouts and what-not. I'm doing everything that I have to do, but I have to work much harder to make myself do it.

I'm trying to find reasons to skip the gym, I'm trying to find reasons to eat a restaurants more often, I'm trying to find reasons to not plan my meals and not count my calories. I'm still doing everything I have to do, but I'm totally having mental arguments with myself.

I think it's because I'm getting close to my target weight. I think I'm getting so close to the end that my twisted mind is tryin to sabotoge me!

That might sound totall crazy, but it's true. I want to get to my goal, my target, and maintain after that. I know the end is just around the corner, but it's like my mind is afraid of having another change and a little more freedom in food choice.

I tell my students all the time that when they feel themselves becoming succcessful that they sabotoge themselves. I talk to them about ways to stop doing that and to be successful and be confident in successful. I need to take some of my own adice right now!

I hate the flu

This will be short and sweet, because I feel awful. I was going to write a blog yesterday because I realized it had been about a week, but then I got the flu. It happened that fast too. I was thinking of things I needed to do and then almost immediately I was staring into my toilet. Great. 


Anyway, it hasn't lasted all that long, but I am wiped out. The flu is a bad thing for someone who eats on a schedule and eats certain calorie amounts every three hours. I do feel better today, but I'm just so tired. I'm also not eating that much food. Hopefully tomorrow I will be back to my regular schedule. 


This flu is also messing up my workout schedule. I'm not a fan of missing workouts. Yesterday I was trying to justify working out anyway, but then I would get off the couch and quickly realize that wasn't going to happen. 


But this does make me think of the movie The Devil Wears Prada when the other secretary gets the flu and makes the comment about being one flu away from her goal weight. That line always makes me laugh. 

Binging?

I've been reading a few posts lately about people binging. I don't really have this problem. I have planned days that I knew there were going to be rough days with a lot of food and temptations. I have tried to plan for these days to avoid binging. Typically those days involve a lot of booze more than anything.

I think there is one big reason that I don't binge after a bad day or stressful day; my true laziness. I am very focused and scheduled in my days, but I don't really do a whole lot outside of that.

Every now and then I will have a really bad day and think about stuffing my face with all my favorite foods. I will then think about how I have none of that food at my house. Then I realize I will have to make an extra trip to the store (which I hate) or go through a drive-thru (which I also hate). Then I realize I would just rather go home and not hassle with it. It seems like too much work for me to do. Don't get me wrong, I'm still thinking about stuffing my face, but I'm literally too lazy to make an extra trip after a long day.

Sometimes I'll be watching tv and food commercials come on and I realize how delicious the food looks, even if it's food I wouldn't ordinarily eat. I will really, really want that food. Then I realize I'll have to make a phone call to order the food or drive to the store to get it, and then my laziness kicks in. I realize I'm going to have to put in extra effort that I hadn't planned on for the day.

Just the other day, while watching football, I was wanting everything I saw on tv; pizza, Arby's, ice cream, and I even think there was a Long John Silver's commercial and I would never eat that, but it just looked soooooo good. Then I realized that I would have to drive to get all of these things and my laziness took over. I just sat back and  watched the rest of the game.

I've never been super proud of my excessive laziness, but it's really working for me in the binging catagory. I'm going to have to spread the word to everyone around me. I'll tell them all to tap into their inner laziness to help them get over their issues with binging.

Zumba.....no way.

Against my better judgement I tried Zumba.....for 10 minutes. It's all I could tolerate. 


Ok, I'm not a dancer. I'm not coordinated. I don't follow dance steps. I need to go slower and take more time. I don't feel energetic. I don't want to shake my ass, jump in the air, and wave my arms around. 


I tried to leave before we even started when the instructor was calling out the steps to a new dance/song they were going to be doing. 


Ok, let me back up.....Ashley asked if we would go Zumba. I was hesitant, but Janelle reminded me that I would probably burn a ton of calories. I'm all about burning the calories. She also said we were sure to have fun....yea, right. 


I tell Kelly that this is all going down tonight and she says that she wants to go because she has been trying to get me to go to Zumba for a long time. 


When we were standing around waiting for the class to begin I started having that panic feeling that I didn't want to be there. I can't quite explain it, but it's an overwhelming feeling I get when I start to feel uncomfortable. (I guess it's like that fight or flight attitude) I just start saying that I want to leave and I'll just walk while they are taking the class. 


I tried to grab my keys a few times and leave, but Ashley kept grabbing my arm to make me stay. Kelly kept calling me a baby. Janelle kept telling me the class hadn't even started, I needed to give it a try, and no one cares what I look like. 


All I know is, I had to get the eff out of that room. I'm sure no one does care what I look like while doing the Zumba crap, but I care. I know they could care less what I look like, but to me  everyone is staring at me and I just can't stand that thought. I love to be the center of attention if I'm comfortable with what I'm doing. I was not comfortable even standing in that room with all those other people in there. 


So, I tried to leave again, and I was stopped. I love my friends, but I was about to flip out on them. I had to get out of that room. 


The class started and I could not follow what was happening. I was so frustrated. They all keep telling me to try and I'm not even putting in any effort. 


I don't know how to put effort and energy into something that I can't even follow. I was miserable. I can't even explain how miserable. I was also frustrated. I'm one of those people that will rarely, rarely cry, unless I'm frustrated. I was so frustrated that I finally just told them I was going to get water. I never went back. (Ok, I stayed for like 1.5 songs)


I just got on the treadmill and then the bike and waited for them to finish up. Ashley came out at one point and tried to get me back in there. 


I don't know why I would want to do a workout that does nothing but frustrate me. I felt nothing exciting or fun about the time I was in there. It was awful. I'm upset just thinking about it now. 


They can think I was being a baby all they want. I know the real reasons that I left. I don't feel the need to explain myself and why I didn't want to be there. I will not ever do that again either. I would rather lift.